Ctrl+Alt+Del

It seems I've done enough busy blogging and avoiding talking about the issue at hand with my slave. Thanks to everyone who has written inquiries. I'll give you the cliff notes.

The verdict is in: My slave "really really cares"

Or so that's his excuse for invading my privacy. The issue with slave 2 mushroomed into another whole realm of things. Without completely rehashing the events, my slave went thru some things of mine and thru an account on a website I'm a member of because he "really really cares". This was his explanation as to why he was compelled by an invisible force to commit such acts.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a fairly private person. You wanna talk gripes, ask me, you wanna know celeb gossip, I'm the go-to girl, relationship issues, count me in...but when it comes to myself personally; outside of sex....that's where I sorta clam up. I don't mind sharing info about me in bits and pieces over time but I've never been one for long drawn out heartfelt talks. If someone tries to read an email I'm typing I get snippy, too many questions about where I've been and I've been doing and I get defensive. And everyone knows the number one rule of being my friend is:
Don't touch my shit.

But slave was unaware of this. He stated what many past boyfriends have stated. I'm secretive and vague. In all honesty, I am. I like it that way sometimes. It keeps from things interfering with one another.

So he went thru some stuff, accused me of lying, involved some outside friends of mine, and then on top of it all apologized after he sought justification for his actions. First and foremost I don't lie. I've never seen a need to. Unless I'm trying to get out of trouble, oh and little white lies about my friend's new car (it's hideous!), but lying to the magnitude I was accused of...never. It hurt.

But my slave "really really cares"

I keep stating it like that because I don't think caring gives you a right to do the things he did. But, it's been a few days and things in the eye of our storm are settling down. I have been all but forced not to even mention slave 2's name when in my current slave's presence. I have agreed to not even be friends with him anymore. But my slave thinks I don't care. I care.


I care so much that I'm trying to move past this bullshit.
I care so much that I forgive him.
I care so much I have put his happiness before mine.

I don't think a slave could ask for a better Mistress. Past slaves I would've kicked to the curb but I wanted to prove a point. We can grow. Everyone has the ability to at least learn from mistakes and be given a second chance. Whether or not I actually did what I was accused of, this my second chance with my slave. And whether or not I am still royally pissed that he riffed thru my things, this is his second chance.

It almost feels like things can go back to the way they were...
But almost only counts in horseshoe and hand grenades so we'll see.

HNT #3

Let's be honest my breasts are the center of my body...really about 48% of my body...so here's to another HNT, an ode to them!

This was in Wal-Mart one day that the sales were "Tops-Off-Low".

I can't resist a deal!

So this is the girls in their shopping wear.

TMI Tuesday #186

Ahh, I almost missed it =) But getting it in under the wire before midnight! More into the mind of this Mistress...

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?
-From my Mom, I definitely see my sometimes "overly" giving nature. Often resulting in spreading myself too thin; which can be a good or bad thing.
-From my Dad I think I get his temper and tendancy to hold things in and then sorta explode. I've been trying for years to not fall into that pattern.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?
Hahahaha...me, a Mistress....with children? Don't make me laugh again.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?
I never actually got that talk. My parents just said "If you get pregnant, you get kicked out of the house. Period" That was enough explaination for me.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?
"The Giving Tree". I still have my orginial copy. Now that I've re-read it as an adult I realize it's slightly depressing...

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?
Hmm...I could never really narrow that down to just one =)

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?
"Whatever you do, enjoy your childhood and freedom. Don't grow up too fast."

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?
"Girl Gone Wild!"

I'm pissed, kitty's pissed!

Sometimes...

When life gives you lemons, you build a lemonade stand and make lemonade. Then use the profits of your lemonade business to buy a machine gun. Let's see if life makes the same mistake twice...

Yeah, take that lemons!

2's a couple, 3's cool, 4's a crowd?

It's only been 3 days since I last wrote but it feels like I have been missing very important therapy sessions. Blogging (and writing in general) has always calmed me, helped me make sense of otherwise messy thoughts, and just downright feels and sounds good (with myself being a significantly above average typist).

But Mistress L what could have happened in a mere 3 days you ask?

Well in such a short time my slave and I have gone from near perfect harmony to...well...inharmonious. We have hit a few bumps in the road: orgasm denial, an additional slave, my bad communication, his bad assumptions.

The orgasm denial debacle started two weeks ago, when I gave my slave a masturbation regime. He was following it brilliantly, but then I changed it up (add bad communication) and he didn't follow thru (and a dash of his bad assumptions). Since then it has been an awful cat and mouse game between the two of us with our orgasms and "saving" them for each other.

Which apparently got fucked up today when I brought myself to orgasm twice without him.

The additional slave thing is not really an issue as so much a passing thought. I originally got a slave so that I could treat it like a slave. Unfortunately I have grown very fond of my slave (remember his disarming smile and bright eyes I mentioned before?) and it has become increasingly difficult for me to exhibit some of the actions that I am into or want to try.
 

Namely: face slapping, spitting in ones mouth, walking on/trampling, shoe worship, hair pulling, choking, complete objectification, body modification.

Now I know this list seems...well....not Mistress L-ish, but that's the point! To push your limits and find new boundaries. It just seems with my current slave I am unable to execute these for various reasons. We even got into our first argument about the issue the other night and it was not pretty.

I found an excellent candidate for a second slave, or at least to train for a bit. He is into all of these things. We'll call him slave 2. The tantalizing beauty of integrating him into my life is that he nearly has no limits, let me say that again....he has no limits. He has the obvious ones such as no children, animals, anything illegal, nothing with men, etc. But beyond that he is a clean slate and more importantly an open slate.

It's like giving a kid the key to the candy store or in this case...

Giving a Mistress the key to the sex shop. It's
downright hot!

I was hoping that by practicing these things on slave 2, I would in turn become more comfortable with implementing them into my current slave and mine routine. But he's really adamant against another slave. Even though he goes back and forth between reminding me he'd be upset and telling me to do whatever makes me happy. *sigh*

I have promised that I will not train another slave, especially one of this nature but I cannot deny that it is something that I seek to experiment with. The yearning for that will not die down easily.

Perhaps there is a middle ground to be struck....or maybe I just really do want too much?