Eventually...

The longer I am without BDSM the more I yearn for it. I unconvincingly have tried to lie to myself and say "You don't need this" but fuck it: I do. 

This is my life. 
This is who I am. 

For now anyway... 

Which is why I'm going to meet a new potential slave next week. I'm not doing this because I'm fully sure I am ready for another slave. But what I do know is that I want to be happy. I want to get over my former slave and most of all I just want to feel like myself again. I was thinking of attending a recent BDSM event but when I started talking to some of the attendees I was approached by a number of slaves, all looking for a Mistress that had my interests. 

Honestly, I couldn't face the idea of being swamped by slaves all vying for my attention. The idea alone seemed almost too much to go thru with. So I decided not to attend. But I need to move on. Every time I feel the urge to text him or call him or email him, I just try to remember that I'm the one that hurt him. I'm the one who made him cry. I can do no good for him...no matter how much that hurts to admit. In the meantime I've been doing a lot of reading and a lot of refining to make sure the situation I caused a couple months ago does not happen again and most certainly won't mushroom into a cloud of displeasure. 

So far the things I know about the guy I am meeting next week, I am excited about. I also think the fact that he is 6'6 and I am 4'10 is completely mind-boggling (and a tad erotic). We share very similar interests, we've talked about some important deal breakers, we've even gone over our personal beliefs within and outside of BDSM and so far we haven't hit any road blocks. 

So, next week should be interesting to say the least...

HNT #7

Legs, Legs, and more Legs

Back this week again with some more of my thick thighs, with a twist of heels. Enjoy!

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

Put on a happy face...

I received the CB-6000 I ordered a while ago.

What's a cock cage without a cock?

I was really happy to have it but quickly realized that I didn't have anyone to cage up. No one to train, spank, tease and then so skillfully deny.

It's been about 10-15 days now without my former slave fully. Things are getting better but I am still having the bad dreams where I wake up calling his name apparently and not eating much. I feel like the least powerful Mistress there ever was right now. I'm usually good at getting over stuff and try, try, trying again but this feels slightly different. This was honestly my first try with a lot of things that I might have to rethink. I did things differently than I have the past 6 years.

It was my first time...

-Not dating my slave; or at least not being exclusive with him

-Having a boyfriend and a slave at the same time

-Not discussing the "dating/courting" period with my slave

-Picking a slave that I was both very physically and mentally attracted to

-Owning a slave younger than myself

-Taking a slave that had little to no extended experience with serving

-Training in sessions rather than as-we-go-along training

I might have to go back to the drawing board on this one to figure out what works for me. Obviously what's worked before was not what I was seeking or else I wouldn't have tweaked what I sought.

My friends are very eager to get me out of my sullen mood and back into the swing of things but I'm going to have to do that at my own pace. It's only been 2 weeks but that wound is still relatively new. I understand they just want to see me happy and I suppose I will find that in my own time. I've been running thru my mind over and over again just realizing what mistakes were made this time around and even though I know they cannot be undone I'd at least like to learn from them. 

In short I suppose what I am looking for in my next slave endeavor is:

-A person who won't mind a poly relationship/play (should I choose to engage in one)

-Someone to be honest with, I must know they will be reasonable and rational with me

-A slave with more experience (real-time experience is a must)

-A common bond that will allow us to respect each other at all times

-Someone I will appreciate fully (both on and offline)

-A very open-minded individual with whom I can explore and experience new fetishes

-Someone who can communicate on all levels, vanilla and non-vanilla

-Someone who realizes our BDSM relationship may not always be fair but it will always be respected

I'm going to strive to build a better foundation on the next BDSM relationship I enter into. I will make sure to be open, honest, and forthcoming with my dealings.

So maybe lucky number 14?