All I want for Xmas...

Dear Santa,

I know I've been very naughty this year but I'm sure you can cut me some slack (as you have in the past). As hard as I try I just can't seem to get this whole "good girl" persona down and frankly I don't think I want to! I know, I know I should have more remorse for the bad things I've done, the spanking, biting, slapping, name calling, kicking and more but those guys deserved it!

As it stands I still have my wishlist that I am passing on. I'm sure you'll give me whatever you think I deserve...that isn't a lump of coal!

1. Wrist Length Latex Gloves...you know in case I can't find my paddle to spank with.
2. O-Ring Gag...for those perfect shots in the mouth.
3. Trojan Magnum Condoms...just in case I need some for my extra large friends.
4. Prisoner Belt...for the equally naughty boys.
5. Feather Roses...a rose without thorns, sounds delightful.
6. Thigh Spreaders...for those hard to reach places.
7. 2009 Male Catalog...to relive the year the way it was meant to be, not the way it was.
8. ...and some DVDs would be nice too, but I understand if there's no room for these.

Thanks fat man!

Sincerely,
Miss L

A new year, new beginnings

I haven't thought about BDSM really in a couple weeks. I have been successfully distracting myself with the likes of mini-road trips, impromptu parties and dance clubs, and my new favorite addiction...Fratpad.

For those of you who don't know what Fratpad is, it's a lovely site catered towards the gay men (or kinky straight woman) that showcases lovely frat-aged boys all living in a house together. They take shifts and chat with their viewers, do private shows, and generally have fun with each other. If you haven't checked it out I suggest you do so immediately, just to see what it's all about at least. It's the best holiday present so far!

In regards to my BDSM dealings I've been keeping a distance from the thoughts and my new found friends who are into it. Although, I recently got in a discussion about what my plans were in regards to moving forward. I was surprised to learn that someone who has never tried BDSM would be willing to try it for/with me.

This may be something worth pondering....

Will it bend or break?

More and more it appears that things are not what they have seemed over the past months. My "boyfriend" and I are hardly spending any time together. He states that he just wants to be alone at home. Then he does just that with a nice 12-pack and his laptop. More often than not when I have asked to do something with him or to see him he says he is "tired" or "sleepy". I know what it's like to work long hours on your feet, deal with shitty people all day, and to generally feel drained.

But if this is an everyday occurrence something must be wrong.

I told him last week that I thought he needed a pet fish not a girlfriend, that obviously I was too much for him to deal with at the moment. The tiredness, loneliness, and overall withdraw into himself that I am seeing, all points to mild depression. When I pointed this out he all but shrugged it off and tried to turn the tables on me stating that I wasn't a good girlfriend if I wasn't prepared to stick by him during his tough time.

Sympathy will get you some places. So, I told him if he would seek help for the way he was feeling I might rethink wanting to go our separate ways and he agreed. But, this week when I brought that very same idea up again he said he'd "think about it". Then this week he promised he'd go on his day off and somehow I knew he'd fail to follow thru on that; sadly I was proven right.

I wasn't exactly sure what this meant for us and I don't want him to continue his wallowing in what appears to be self-pity and general sadness. But, I also have to look out for myself. I am unhappy with the way things are and how they are being resolved; which isn't at all.

I have decided to give him space and time but I need to also keep a close watch on my own well-being because as much as I care about him I will not be drug down emotionally. So as it stands now, we are officially "taking a break" and I have no idea what that means for the future but hopefully it was the best decision for the situation.