Rant: Why so serious?

Recently a guy told me that he was giving up BDSM after his first experience with me because I didn’t provide him with what he deemed an enticing encounter (i.e. I wouldn’t have sex with him). Now I don’t know which is more pathetic, the fact that he so haphazardly (and falsely in my opinion) placed all his interests for the lifestyle in one and his first experience, or the fact that he had the balls to tell me I had disappointed him…as if I really gave a fuck.

When did this lifestyle become well…a “lifestyle”?

I can’t go to a party, event, meeting, or otherwise meet someone also into BDSM without one of the first three questions I am asked being, “So what’s your role?” I’m all for the nitty-gritty questions and figuring out if you’ll mesh with someone but whatever happened to a simple, “How are you?”

One of the reasons I decided to try exploring my kinkiness was because I loved the concept of open-ness, freedom to explore, and the space to actually be myself. But, it’s almost as if everyone has painted themselves into their own corners.   

Tops. 

Bottoms.

Pansexual.

Dominant. 

Submissives. 

Switches. 

Heteroflexible. 

Some people I've met are a bit stand-offish to me and when asked why they confess: We're both dominants or I'm not their type. Before any of these titles were are still people right?  I cherish getting to know individuals regardless of their respective roles. It just worries me when we focus so much on limits, protocols, and who you know as opposed to just relaxing and enjoying being with like-minded folks.

But on the other hand, as much as I lament this if you are too relaxed and push all the kinky stuff too far to the side then you’ll miss it all together. There has to be a solid middle ground. I’m still grasping this myself (as you might notice with nurse sub). I’ve been in need of kinky play so much that I feel that other side of my Mistressy attitude coming forth. It’s the side where I stop thinking so much about how caring I am to my subs and really just think of how much I want to use them for my sole pleasure with some pain mixed in, pain mostly for making me wait so long to finally have them under my heel. Oh the urges! I'm glad we don't need labels for those and can just be animalistic with our desires.