It ain't easy being kinky

It's been almost two months since my last update. There are several reasons for this but mainly it's a deeply personal issue of a mid-kink identity crisis and I haven't figured out how to share it with you guys until today.

I've come to notice it's not as easy as, "I think therefore I am" within the kink community or kinky mindset. Over the years I've evolved into my own image of what I want to embody as kink. There are certain activities I won't engage in and others I see so mildly tame, I hardly register them as kinky anymore. But that's really not the issue. 

The issue has always been "Who am I?"

When I first started kink I heard I was too inexperienced to participate in some parties.

And after a few years of play under my belt I wanted to hang out with other dommes but I got told I was too young to be apart of their club.

Then when I wanted to start my own site it was mentioned that I was too tame compared to other dommes. 

I am kinky. I am geeky. I am plus size. I am brown. I am friendly. I am bitchy. I am dominant.

I am all these things and more. Some of them will show when I am playing with others, some will not and that's okay. So often I feel like the community has a mental checklist of what they think others need to exhibit to be called XYZ but in reality it doesn't matter what you think about them. All that matters is what they think of themselves. 

I've been entirely too introspective lately to really enjoy the fact that I've found someone who is willing to share all things kink with me. I don't have a "kink family" and I doubt I ever will but it would be nice to have some kinky friends who aren't so wrongly-righteously judgemental against others and are comfortable being themselves, even if it doesn't fit into nice little checkboxes.

This is why I will no longer be going by Mistress L. I no longer feel like I identify with this name and there isn't much attachment left to it. When I started out in the scene I thought I "needed" to have a tough/Mistressy/dominant sounding name. I settled on Miss L and went from there. This is not how I feel anymore. When I am ready to share my newly discovered nomenclature I will be sure to do it here first :)