So you wanna be in a moovie?

Would you be into doing a short adult movie?

That was the first text I woke up to a couple days ago. Here I was thinking that I was losing my edge, sexiness, and overall wild womanly ways; thinking I was being left out of all the fun. But, it seems I stand corrected.

It's funny that I got this message because just a month ago I was asked by a new plus-size fetish site if I would consider posing for their site. There's enough Mistress L to go around but I politely declined, due solely to the nature of my job and what affect that could have on it if that site was ever found out. The text from a Craigslist fuckbuddy from a year ago seemed less daunting, less public.

I decided to get some details on the matter but not before flirting endlessly with him. I haven't seen the guy in about 11 months, but he is a handsome fellow, with a cute voice, rugged but charming face, and is a bit of a tease. It doesn't hurt that he's slightly exotic (he's Egyptian) and hung like a horse, well a 10-inch horse that is.

Needless to say I was a bit excited about the offer. There wouldn't be any BDSM involved just good ol' sex and from what I know thus far, it's a friend of his and himself who have in their spare time been making amateur adult films with girls they know. It all seems harmless and fun and I am seriously contemplating partaking in their activities. I have nothing to lose...and it won't be like it's the first time I've ever been filmed!

What do you think my lovely readers: Am I being too wild and throwing caution to the wind or should I just enjoy the experience? Please cast your vote to the right by March 1st!

Rant: Who cares what you want anyway?

If you're a submissive male and you've signed yourself up for BDSM, you might as well signed in blood. You beg, plead, throw grown men tantrums, and all but cry to get the things you "want". But honestly it's never about what you want.

Part of your submissive appeal is that you are just that...submissive. If you haven't already, go look that up...I'll wait. Yes, see the part where it says 'submitting'? Ahh, glossed over that little bit did ya? Well next time re-read carefully! If you have been chosen to be under my heel then you better damn well get use to the smell of feet. I don't know about other Mistresses but I have usually picked my submissive because we have the same sexual interests or he has been foolish enough to list them as "willing to try anything." I might even have given him the chance to explicitly tell me the things he most enjoys.

Boys, that's your one and only cue to tell me what you want, other than that don't mention it! I am tired of submissives writing me with lists of the things they will 'only' do but stating I can do whatever I like with them. Today class we'll learn the lesson of an oxymoron. But seriously guys, your place is to be submissive...cater to our every whim, please when me even I say I don't really want it, and to anticipate ways to make me smile.

In return you will get our happiness...and isn't that enough to make your balls tingle?

Vanilla, no sprinkles please

Sometimes it's just nice to fuck...or be fucked. I've been keeping BDSM in the back of my mind but it slowly slipped away as a hard cock filled me this weekend.

I forget how much I enjoy sex without the strings (literally) sometimes. There was no paddles, no whips, no chains, no commands, except the occasional call for more deep pounding, nothing fancy. There was no show to be made, no power-play to be had. I know it's hard to get out of our routines.

It can all be very exhilarating having a man or woman at your knees begging for more but, don't forget the fun vanilla sex can offer occasionally!

What if Craigslist and Adult Friend Finder had a baby?

I'm hardly knee deep in my quest to find a new, fitting submissive man and I decided it would be a good idea; if not just completely entertaining, to post an ad on Craigslist in the miscellaneous relationship section.

Hilarity always ensues. My ad was pretty simple, the gist of it was that I was dominant, curvy female looking for a truly submissive man. One whom's limits would be few and eagerness be plentiful. I even quipped, "Your happiness will depend solely on your ability to keep me happy and follow my instructions".

I only put up the following conditions:
1. Be around my age, 21-35.
2. Don't be married or secretly getting your fix of BDSM thru me
3. No smokers!

Pretty light terms I think but apparently I wasn't clear enough...

Response #1-Unedited
please pick me. this has been my fanasty 4 forever. im new 2 this and want 2 be trained. im such a fuckin freak. i want someone 2 help me find out who i really am, sexually' im open 4 anything. blk, hansome, str, athletic build and very hung. i promise 2 be a very good student. i wanna start right now.

Umm..wow. I don't even know where to begin with this. I found it really un-nerving that he describes himself as "a fuckin freak" because it definitely seems to be in a negative way. I thought perhaps he was a troll who just wanted me to write him back so that he could send hate mail, so alas I didn't give him the satisifaction.


Response #2-Edited for 'discretion'
I live in ______... south side right off rte ___. MWM, 25 y.o. 5'10'' 195 lbs 6.5 inches, discretion is so important I cannot send a pic right off the bat. I will be raped and hit, gagged, chocked, anything w/o marks. And all at you slightest beck and call. I am entirely d/d free with no risk! I will be with no one EVER, other than you.

Ahh, discretion is what he seeks...guess I wouldn't want my wife to know I was shopping around on CL looking for someone who was going to rape, choke, hit, and gag me either. Would I trust this guy with his promise of not being with anyone other than me? Well, only as far as I could throw him, though he might like that haha.


Response #3-Unedited
white guy here looking for to serve a lady as her slave. I am 43 years old as I kwo your ad said you was looking for younger. But I am VERY interested.

Oh fuck, he's VERY interested...well that means I have to write him back, especially since it appears that he can read oh-so-accurately as it is. I know he'll be able to follow MY instructions...NOT!


Response #4
It's two pictures of a guy smoking with the words, "Let me know if you'd like to chat" above them. Seriously dude, seriously?

Either the greater Washington DC area has men who have shit for brains (I know I know, too easy) or these guys are really just looking to get laid. I've even had nightmares that it's the two combined: brainless men just looking to get laid!?!?! It's like Swamp Thing all over again.

So, Craigslist might not be the best place to find my potential submissive but it did provide me with a good laugh while I was in a waiting room this weekend.

Oh Craigslist...list of all things that make me giggle, you never fail to put a smile on my face.

*Snap*

Well it definitely broke...my past relationship with my last slave turned bf. We spoke briefly on New Year's Eve but really it was more empty words without actions.

Thus, I've decided to start the new year off proper. A lot of amazing changes are taking place (or about to) take place in my world and I am excited for the change. One thing I am orcastrating for the coming months is finding a new slave. No looking back, no do-overs. I will not be returning to a vanilla or BDSM relationship with my previous slave/bf no matter how much he or I want to. It just isn't healthy.

So, as it stands I am on the prowl again...for a new slave. I hope to find the things I often seek in the men I love to train and own: willingess, experience, open-mindedness, and an unconditional desire to experiment within our means.

I'll be sharing my experiences with any new guys who think they can handle this Mistress.

Hopefully more to come!

All I want for Xmas...

Dear Santa,

I know I've been very naughty this year but I'm sure you can cut me some slack (as you have in the past). As hard as I try I just can't seem to get this whole "good girl" persona down and frankly I don't think I want to! I know, I know I should have more remorse for the bad things I've done, the spanking, biting, slapping, name calling, kicking and more but those guys deserved it!

As it stands I still have my wishlist that I am passing on. I'm sure you'll give me whatever you think I deserve...that isn't a lump of coal!

1. Wrist Length Latex Gloves...you know in case I can't find my paddle to spank with.
2. O-Ring Gag...for those perfect shots in the mouth.
3. Trojan Magnum Condoms...just in case I need some for my extra large friends.
4. Prisoner Belt...for the equally naughty boys.
5. Feather Roses...a rose without thorns, sounds delightful.
6. Thigh Spreaders...for those hard to reach places.
7. 2009 Male Catalog...to relive the year the way it was meant to be, not the way it was.
8. ...and some DVDs would be nice too, but I understand if there's no room for these.

Thanks fat man!

Sincerely,
Miss L

A new year, new beginnings

I haven't thought about BDSM really in a couple weeks. I have been successfully distracting myself with the likes of mini-road trips, impromptu parties and dance clubs, and my new favorite addiction...Fratpad.

For those of you who don't know what Fratpad is, it's a lovely site catered towards the gay men (or kinky straight woman) that showcases lovely frat-aged boys all living in a house together. They take shifts and chat with their viewers, do private shows, and generally have fun with each other. If you haven't checked it out I suggest you do so immediately, just to see what it's all about at least. It's the best holiday present so far!

In regards to my BDSM dealings I've been keeping a distance from the thoughts and my new found friends who are into it. Although, I recently got in a discussion about what my plans were in regards to moving forward. I was surprised to learn that someone who has never tried BDSM would be willing to try it for/with me.

This may be something worth pondering....

Will it bend or break?

More and more it appears that things are not what they have seemed over the past months. My "boyfriend" and I are hardly spending any time together. He states that he just wants to be alone at home. Then he does just that with a nice 12-pack and his laptop. More often than not when I have asked to do something with him or to see him he says he is "tired" or "sleepy". I know what it's like to work long hours on your feet, deal with shitty people all day, and to generally feel drained.

But if this is an everyday occurrence something must be wrong.

I told him last week that I thought he needed a pet fish not a girlfriend, that obviously I was too much for him to deal with at the moment. The tiredness, loneliness, and overall withdraw into himself that I am seeing, all points to mild depression. When I pointed this out he all but shrugged it off and tried to turn the tables on me stating that I wasn't a good girlfriend if I wasn't prepared to stick by him during his tough time.

Sympathy will get you some places. So, I told him if he would seek help for the way he was feeling I might rethink wanting to go our separate ways and he agreed. But, this week when I brought that very same idea up again he said he'd "think about it". Then this week he promised he'd go on his day off and somehow I knew he'd fail to follow thru on that; sadly I was proven right.

I wasn't exactly sure what this meant for us and I don't want him to continue his wallowing in what appears to be self-pity and general sadness. But, I also have to look out for myself. I am unhappy with the way things are and how they are being resolved; which isn't at all.

I have decided to give him space and time but I need to also keep a close watch on my own well-being because as much as I care about him I will not be drug down emotionally. So as it stands now, we are officially "taking a break" and I have no idea what that means for the future but hopefully it was the best decision for the situation.

Raymond

Was looking thru some old commissions I did this year and honestly this is all I can think about today...

Respect!

Model: Raymond K.

Know thyself

Life's been busy and honestly I have been trying to put my gripes on the back burner but it has been hard.

In the last entry I received some very thought provoking comments. One in particular from

Ferns really caught my attention. She stated: "Another thought... I see that he said he didn't want 'BDSM' anymore, but did you ever define with him what that meant to him...maybe the submission is too much for him, but the play is not."

I received this message straight to my blackberry at about 3am and I couldn't stop asking myself the same question with hidden hope...perhaps there was something I was missing about his definitive statement.

So I asked him in the middle of another discussion, "When you said you couldn't do BDSM with me anymore did you mean with just me? The bedroom BDSM stuff? Outside of the bedroom stuff or just in general?"

He started shaking his head and said, "No I can't do any of it and it's not just you, I mean ever."

"You even mean the biting, scratching, slapping, pinching...all of that too?" I said in nearly a whisper.

"Yes all of it, I can't do any of it. I'm sorry," he replied.

I was crestfallen all over again. After this talk I haven't been able to get out of my head trying to figure out how a person who begged for my spit in his mouth, my hand across his face, my teeth on his thighs less than 30 days ago could be saying these words? Where did the desire for these go...where did the need go?

With the recent news I've been trying to take my role as a just a girlfriend carefully. I have a naturally dominant personality but I am delicate with how I ask and answer questions. I've also noticed that I am slightly afraid to be myself in a small sense. I have not said when I am unhappy with things inside the bedroom, outside the bedroom, giving my opinions, or taking charge in general. I am fearful that he will interpret any of this as me trying to "sneak BDSM in under the radar".

I don't want to be disrespectful to him but when he told me last week after I did state some minor complaints about this relationship: "This is just me."

I was thinking the same thing...this is just me too.