After my last entry I took some time with the boy to talk
about where we were going and where we had been with our kinky interactions for the past couple of years. If
I was being honest with myself I expected a certain level of protocol and discipline that I knew he wasn't delivering and wasn't entirely sure he was capable of achieving. It wasn't necessarily
all his fault. In my mind these attributes either came easily or took a lot of
work to maintain and we both hadn’t been up to the task. I also had to admit my
desires at their core had shifted and the things I once held in such high
regard of what I wanted as a Mistress didn't seem so dire anymore.
What was the solution?
He suggested adjusting things and trying again, putting in
more effort, more rules, and stricter protocols. I grew tired at just the thought of increasing the intensity of our intentions. Maybe that was our problem; we were trying to do too much. After
much re-evaluation I decided it was time for a change. But what change would allow me to keep him in his submissive nature and myself calling the shots without a load of stress? I knew just the thing. A Female Led Relationship was more up our
alley and fit perfectly into our lifestyle and way of thinking. I was never one for being the mean Mistress, I've always felt more comfortable being the Queen of my castle.
What is FLR?
To me it as a relationship
where the power dynamic has been reversed leaving the female in charge. The
male half of this relationship conforms, obeys, and complies with any desires
and needs without objection. In essence he has given her control over most, if
not all, of their relationship and the decisions to be made. She knows best and he knows that.
I explained to Locs what I had in mind and I immediately implemented changes and dropped cumbersome
rules I had been mistakenly holding on to. And for the first time in a year
I felt, dare I say, more like my old kinky self than I had in a while.
In my mind I wanted my sub to act like this, say these
things, and remember those things. When I stopped thinking of him exclusively
as submissive I had to train and more like follower of my beliefs something clicked. I began to appreciate and hone in on the areas that I liked
about our kinky time and not stress about the things I didn’t.
For us this has come a lot more naturally. There aren't a
lot of rules, protocols, or expectations since the only rule generally is to
follow my lead and instruction. Currently this has taken the form of me deciding what
Locs gets to wear, what television shows we watch, what he eats, when he
exercises, when chores get done and so forth. I mentally make notes of
infractions I find annoying throughout the week like when he forgets a task I've
given him, when he back talks or gets Sammie, etc and then I punish him each week. Sometimes
he’s lucky enough to be rewarded if he has been particularly good but it’s
never guaranteed.
How is this different than us being traditional Mistress and
sub?
It’s not very far off as I believe a plethora of D/s play is intertwined. For
me it was a mental switch and one that has been reflected more physically that
we don't have “sessions” anymore. We are always in our roles. He doesn't just
put on his collar when we are about to “play” or go to a party, he wears it
24/7 now. On the flip side all of the
D/s things we enjoy are still there: spankings, rope, CBT, tease and denial and
all the things in between. The subtleties we express each day are much more magnified
and simply put; we are in a state of being instead of doing. It’s hard for me
to put such a feeling of contentment into words.
It feels like I have finally put the Mistress into all things mundane.
