Raymond

Was looking thru some old commissions I did this year and honestly this is all I can think about today...

Respect!

Model: Raymond K.

Know thyself

Life's been busy and honestly I have been trying to put my gripes on the back burner but it has been hard.

In the last entry I received some very thought provoking comments. One in particular from

Ferns really caught my attention. She stated: "Another thought... I see that he said he didn't want 'BDSM' anymore, but did you ever define with him what that meant to him...maybe the submission is too much for him, but the play is not."

I received this message straight to my blackberry at about 3am and I couldn't stop asking myself the same question with hidden hope...perhaps there was something I was missing about his definitive statement.

So I asked him in the middle of another discussion, "When you said you couldn't do BDSM with me anymore did you mean with just me? The bedroom BDSM stuff? Outside of the bedroom stuff or just in general?"

He started shaking his head and said, "No I can't do any of it and it's not just you, I mean ever."

"You even mean the biting, scratching, slapping, pinching...all of that too?" I said in nearly a whisper.

"Yes all of it, I can't do any of it. I'm sorry," he replied.

I was crestfallen all over again. After this talk I haven't been able to get out of my head trying to figure out how a person who begged for my spit in his mouth, my hand across his face, my teeth on his thighs less than 30 days ago could be saying these words? Where did the desire for these go...where did the need go?

With the recent news I've been trying to take my role as a just a girlfriend carefully. I have a naturally dominant personality but I am delicate with how I ask and answer questions. I've also noticed that I am slightly afraid to be myself in a small sense. I have not said when I am unhappy with things inside the bedroom, outside the bedroom, giving my opinions, or taking charge in general. I am fearful that he will interpret any of this as me trying to "sneak BDSM in under the radar".

I don't want to be disrespectful to him but when he told me last week after I did state some minor complaints about this relationship: "This is just me."

I was thinking the same thing...this is just me too.

Repression = Aggression?

It was 5:30 am and I had just had sex with a stranger for the third time in a week. I say "stranger" in the sense that the sex my bf and I now have feels, well...strange. We have only known each other for the past 7 months in a certain capacity and now that has completely changed.

Taking the BDSM out of our relationship has really got me thinking about a lot of stuff. Maybe too much stuff as I sit here frustrated at myself for not faking an orgasm tonight. Without our play, I have found that I am struggling to orgasm. Oh, sure...a good ol' fuck with the dildo will ramp me right up but as I climb the orgasmic mountain with my bf I feel myself start to hold back. I could let go and just orgasm but that'd be forcing it. I could fake it but he has asked me not to and I try not to reinforce those negative stereotypes.

No biting. No scratching. No spitting. No slapping. No spanking. No hair pulling.

This is all I can think and honestly it's making me quite angry. I'm very accustomed to getting what I want and I want those things. I am just unable to have them right now. I have been lashing out at people around me and I can't help but think perhaps it's because I am repressing a lot of the things that come naturally to me. I feel as if I am toning myself down just...and for what??? Maybe all this stifling is making me extra pissed off?

So if I haven't commented on your blog in a while it's not because I don't still like you *smile* it's because I'm jealous and frustrated. I am throwing mental temper tantrums when I hear about all the fun stuff you bloggers are doing.

But, I'll find a way to deal with this...

Side-blinded

For inquiring minds: Did the new bf meet the goal of 26 orgasms in 26 days?

The simple answer is "No". On top of that we didn't even see each other last week.

Last night was the first night we've seen each other since last Monday and I when I got to his place the air was so thick you could cut it with a cheese knife. We had been having some heated discussions via text and over the phone within the week so I expected as much.

What I didn't expect to hear after 45 minutes of arguing was this: "I don't think I can do BDSM with you anymore."

It felt like a Mack truck had just hit me and kept on truckin'! Tears welled in my eyes and I literally choked up. I was speechless. A million questions swirled thru my mind and the ones I could muster out his only parroted response was, "I don't know."

It's bad enough when someone tells you something that feels like you royally messed up but it's another thing entirely when they can't explain it or give you reasons why they feel the way they do.

I'm still in semi-shock and I suppose this means unofficially I am back to the Mundane self, at least as long as I want to be with him and he feels this way...

A Mistress's fetishes

I've been focusing too much on all the negative thoughts about BDSM and want to get back to the things that make me happy within this realm.

These are some fetishes that I currently have

• Forced alcohol consumption
• Anal sex
• Ball slapping
• Begging
• Biting
• Breath play
• Chastity devices
• Choking
• Clothespins
• Collar and leashes
• Cutting off clothes
• Deep throating
• Face slapping
• Forced masturbation
• Hair pulling
• Licking
• Kidnapping
• Neckties
• Orgasm denial
• Pantyhose/Stockings
• PDA
• Phone sex
• Pinching
• Pussy slapping
• Sapiosexuality
• Scratching
• Semen fantasy
• Sleepy sex
• Spanking
• Tongue sucking
• Toys
• Voyeurism
• Whips

Fetishes I am curious about and/or want to try

• Body painting
• Branding
• Business suits
• Chains
• Feet on face
• Fetish wear
• Fisting
• Hypnosis
• Human dolls
• Impact play
• Mummification
• Objectification
• Panty sniffing
• Pegging
• Prostate massage
• Queening
• Rimming
• Strap-ons
• Spreader bars
• Spitting
• Water bondage

Lucky #26?

I asked my bf last night how many more orgasms he had left to give me before his time was up. He fumbled before answering hesitantly, "14?"

"No try again," I stated.

"12?" he re-tried.

"No, try again," I re-stated.

"Less than 12?" he asked. I corrected him and said "10."

I sighed. Clearly he was not keeping as close of track of my happiness as I wanted.

"Tell me how you feel about not coming?" I asked.

"It sucks," he answered honestly.

"But is it worth it?"

"Yes Mistress," he replied.

"Well make it 26 orgasms now, not 24. I've changed my mind." I announced.

He nodded in agreement. I am after all the Mistress I can change my mind whenever and however I want. He proceeded to work his newly 12 orgasms down to the original 10 in no time with a hot round of anal sex.

But 10 orgasms in just 5 days...he's cutting it close.

slave Vs. Boyfriend

The epic theoretical battle that I've been fighting with in my head for a couple of months. If the two were liquids, they'd be oil and water. They are not meshing well.

Each has their own pros and their own cons.

The Boyfriend: The traditional beau. He'll woo you until he gets you (or gets you in bed), then it's back to "Mediocre Matt."

If you like guys who show up late, would rather watch sports than be with you, and will forget your birthday and any other special occasions then this is what you're looking for. He is mildly selfish and expects things to be at least 50-50 (but honestly, they never really are) and wants you to be interested in his hobbies without little to no disregard for yours.

He's great for holiday photo-ops, reliable sex, remembering your work schedule, showing off around your single friends, putting off creepy one-liner Kings at bars, and reaching things on top shelves.

Try being bossy with him and he'll tell his buddies you're PMSing and eye-roll at you behind your back.

The slave: A Domme's dream come true. Despite his best efforts he does screw up but instead of getting upset with him, you both understand some paddling to his backside will help him remember his place.

His main goal is whatever you are craving. One of his sole purposes is making and seeing you happy and he tries to do this by anticipating what you will need or want. Hot bath, foot massage, pussy worship, fixing dinner, he's on it!

When he humps you in the middle of the night and you don't want to deal with it, you scold him before putting on his cock cage and settling in for a good slumber, but best of all there's no peep from him.

As one dimensional as he is you are still surprised and delighted by his ever-constant submission.

As much as I love a man who doesn't question my authority, I also like someone who can make decisions when I ask. I want someone who massages my feet when I need it and doesn't tell me that they are tired. I like to be praised, wanted, and desired but when I want my alone time, I want my alone time. I want a boyfriend and I want a slave, preferably within one person. I am just worried how these two are ever suppose to merge? How are we suppose to ever go from just bf/gf to Mgf/sbf?

Your new favorite spot

I was sure that taking the birth control again would suppress my ever-constant libido as it did before but luckily there seems to be no sign of that.

I was feeling slightly tired last night when we crawled into bed but once I made the new bf strip down that feeling was quickly replaced by friskiness. I made him bend over my knee to receive spankings and his cock swelled with each slap.

"Thank you Mistress," he said without being prompted. This fueled me even more as I proceeded to shove him down on the bed.

"Stroke your cock now!" I said loudly.

He grabbed a hold of his penis for dear life and stroked.

"Faster."

"Harder."

"Slower," I issued commands swiftly and watched him obey carefully.

Occasionally I would lean down in the middle of him stroking to lick or suck the top of his cock causing him to groan in pleasure.

I pushed his hand aside and positioned him inside of my now very wet pussy and began to ride him fast and deep. I held his wrists above his head as I leaned down mid-ride to bite the flesh between his arm and neck. He bucked his hips as if he wanted me to stop but I continued to ride him even harder now.

"Please Mistress, please stop, I'm close" he begged. I lifted off of him.

"That's one." I stated. "Tonight you are only allowed to ask me to stop because you are close to coming three times, after that I will not stop." I continued.

"But...," he begin.

"Use your two stops wisely because you know what will happen when you ask me the third time?" I said wickedly interrupting him.

"Whatever you want Mistress," he said through deep breaths.

"Yes, whatever I want, and I do not want you to come, so you better get some control," I looked at him and said as I begin stroking his cock myself. Afterward he got behind me on command and begin to pump away, I could feel his balls slapping against the back of my pussy but as he started slowing down I wouldn't stop grinding my ass into him.

"Mistress, may I stop please? I am very close," he said after a few rounds like this.

"No."

"But Mistress, please I do not want to come because you do not want me to come," he stated.

I wiggled my ass a little more before sliding off his cock, which was now covered in my juices.

"Thank you Mistress," he said.

I proceeded to make him masturbate for me again and got out my riding crop to help steady him along. Then I switched up to going down on him. It was here he asked for his last "stop" to which I obliged.

"No more stops now," I said with a grin.

I rode him some more but could tell he was close. "Get my dildo since you can't be trusted," I ordered him.

"Yes Mistress," he replied.

He came back with my favorite 10-incher and proceeded to give me four orgasms with my good coaching (plus the one from a previous night at his place). The bed was soaking wet under me.

"You're such a good boy!" I complimented him.

"Now turn over on your stomach," I said. He did as he was told. I pressed his face into the wet spot, holding his hair tightly as I spanked him.

"What does that smell like?" I asked him.

"I smells good Mistress, it smells like your pussy." He responded.

This was the answer I wanted to hear. I swatted him a few more times before dipping his cock in cold water (I had told him no more touching but he just couldn't help himself), then I got a towel to put down on the bed.

"Where do you want me to lay Mistress? Here?" he said as he pointed to the towel I'd laid down on the wet spot.

"Yes, of course" I laughed lightly and said. "I'm not laying there."

"I would love to lay in your wet spot Mistress," he smiled and said before curling up next to me and falling to sleep.

As the counter stands now that's 9 down, 15 to go!

Lucky #24

The 3 hours of sleep I got last night before a long 12 hour day was well worth it.

As we (the new bf and I) slid into bed we were in our usual playful mood. He was whispering sweet nothings into my ear while I scratched my nails up and down his back just to hear him moan. Something about hearing a grown man moan just makes me weak in the knees. I reached down to feel his throbbing cock pressed up against me and he returned my touch to feel me already wet.

I wrapped my legs around his and pulled his hair as I sucked on his neck and he twiddled my nipples. Occasionally he would try to pull his leg away and I would tighten around it, my thighs acting as a vice grip.

"Where are you going?" I would ask teasingly.

"Nowhere Mistress," he would reply.

The rougher I was with him the more submissive he reacted until eventually he was kissing me all over my body. As he neared my womanhood I pressed his face fully into me. He paused, if only for a moment, probably because he is not use to me being assertive in this area. I am a very penetrative oriented woman, cunnilingus is a delicate art that must be performed very well for me to enjoy it. But, this didn't stop him from kissing the outside of my swollen lips.

"May I lick you Mistress?" he asked eagerly.

My answer was a semi-forceful shove to the back of his head deeper between my thighs. I squealed and squirmed with delight as he applied just the right amount of pressure to my clit. He tried to come up for air but I clamped down harder on his head and he continued to pleasure me.

When I finally decided he had satisfied my unusual need for a good licking I let him up. He breathed heavily but then took my toes in his mouth and begin sucking them one by one, working his way from sucking back to kissing up my legs to my mouth.

He laid next me still feverishly tweaking my nipples and playing with himself before I removed his hands from his cock.

"Would you like to come inside me next month?" I whispered into his ear.

"What? Yes, of course but why next month, why not tonight?" he asked shocked before he had time think out the answer.

I have just started on birth control again purely for the fact that I want to feel him explode inside of me. I have mentioned this but I am sure it slips his mind as he is always in the midst of being horny.

"November is a good month. But, how many days are left in this month?" I asked him.

He thought for a moment, "I dunno Mistress, like 26 or something."

"24," I corrected him. "There are 24 days left in this month. If you can give me 24 orgasms before November 1st, I will let you come inside of me," I told him, a smile creeping on my lips.

"Okay Mistress," he said kissing my thighs again.

"But, if you come then the count starts over again," I informed him.

"So no coming for me...okay I can do that Mistress," he responded.

From there he proceeded to fuck me properly in the ass. I am a sucker for anal sex. It gets me very wet and sometimes I am able to come with a hard dick pounding away. He pumped with the periodic slow down-and-pull-out method to keep himself from the edge but managed to make me come four times.

Well that's four down, only twenty to go!

Gina

Some readers have requested that I post some of the BDSM pictures that I've taken. Here's one of my favorite series.

It's Over
Model: Gina L.

Please note all images are copyrighted and protected under law. Please ask permission before using images for commercial or personal use.