Rant: Polyamory is not a bad word

Listen up men of the interwebs...swingers ≠ polyamorous 

I have a few profiles floating around online and all of them mention my being in an open relationship. Despite my stating its variance to swinging the young (and sometimes much too old), dense men writing me don't seem to understand the distinct differences.

So it is for that reason I think it's imperative I explain it as I see it.

Swingers
This is a non-monogamous sexual act. Some people call it 'wife swapping' or 'partner swapping' despite the sexist connotation of it. A couple decides to and is aware of sexual activity with other people. Typically the couple shares these sexual excursions together but not always. Each partner always knows and consents to the sexual activity outside of the relationship. Their sexual acts are usually limited to that of conventional nature and is often only practiced at certain events catered to swinging, swinging clubs, etc. Within this there are two kinds of swapping "full swapping" (full penetrative sex), and "soft swapping" (oral sex). As you may notice at the core of swinging is good ol' fashion sex.

Polyamorous
The very name of this non-monogamous act explains what it means. It is comprised of the Greek words ultimately meaning "many loves". This is also another form of ethical non-monogamy. All partners are aware of outside relationships, however they don't necessarily participate as a couple and sometimes not even both participate. Sex is not the main objective of this type of relationship, experiencing multiple and diverse relationships and all they entail is. The true spirit in being in more than one relationship at a time.

The only commonalities that these share is that they are both consensual, honest, non-monogamous types of relationships. One revolves mainly around sex and the other revolves around building a relationship with an additional person(s).

I can see why the men writing me want me be into swinging. It's much more appealing on the surface and if you're looking for a quick roll in the hay, that's the fastest way to get there but that's not what me and the bf are practicing. But you can't lump us all together just because we do things in an unconventional manner. That doesn't mean we don't crave respect, tolerance, and someone who gives a damn to learn the difference.

I honestly think that both types have their respective pros and cons and even have participated in swinging in the past---nevertheless for now, I am searching for something deeper than 8 inches haha.

I say tomato...

In the past I've said that online based domination and D/s relationships were not my cup of tea. However with my trip looming on the horizon communicating via online thru emails, web cam, and instant messaging is the only feasible way to get to know anyone.

In addition to a few contacts I already had I've began talking to an array of interesting gentlemen; 4 submissives, and two switches.

I hate to be so rashly observant but in my contacts with the British men has been much more pleasant than with the guys here. They are polite, courteous, witty, and just all around a pleasure to chat with. Even when sending the inappropriate penis picture to me the sender politely apologized for his rudeness haha. That's not to say there aren't any guys here who possess those exact characteristics it's just I haven't been experiencing that online.

It has been an interesting way to flex my creative ability in thinking of ways to show my domination while I'm 3,600 miles away. Explicitly explaining the tease and tantalization that I want to put them thru, sharing naughty pictures, and just plainly getting to know them has seemed to work well thus far. 

I'm hoping that they will live up to their online identities and by live up to I mean follow thru on our loose plans to meet up. I've promised myself that I am going to make more of an effort to take part in the local scene when I get that than I do here. I'm going in with an open mind and a desire to explore possibilities.

I'm too sexy for this blog

I like to think I don't need validation that my blog is sexy and rather kick-ass but every girl likes a little attention now and then.

So whether it's me or another sexy blogger you want to nominate, it doesn't matter...just get on over to Between My Sheets to cast your vote for the Sexiest Bloggers of 2011. You only get one vote so make it count! *wink* Nomination closes on August 31 so tick tock! Be sure to read all the instructions before nominating.

Also there are prizes to be given just for nominating and I know you all like free goodies!

They include:

• A $75 gift certificate to The Nix Fix’s Online Shop
• A Clone-A-Willy kit (your choice of color)
• A $25 gift certificate to EdenFantasys
• Open crotch lace shorts (any size, including plus) OR fetish jock strap (any size)
• Japanese silk bondage rope (your choice of color)
• ...and potentially more!

This year I limited myself to just three nominations and it was so tough. But, I'll be voting for Ms. Dee over at Curvaceous Dee, ol' Riff Dog for his lovely Ashley & Me tales (he better post soon to qualify!), and my new favorite read full of uniqueness Shape Shifter at Alternative Mindsets. 

Good luck everyone!

Flirting: A fine art

I've often said that I believe flirting should be treated as a fine art. It is not something one can wander into with no experience, no clear objective, and certainly no quips on hand. For me whenI am flirted with it either goes into one of two categories: 1) Nice try bum. Next! or 2) Well what do we have here? Those are my only two mental reactions. One of them will lead to an equally flirtatious response from me the other...well...let's not strive for the other.

I learned at a very young age that flirting was a gateway action. Get that perfected and the possibilities were endless. I've been known to give men who may otherwise not have captured my attention a second look-over solely because I was attracted to their flirting technique.

And I'm sure anyone who has swapped racy emails, naughty pics, or even spent a few nights sexting knows that the build up a good flirting does for any actual sexual acts makes it all the more better.

I know not every guy is versed in the way of flirting, so I'm going to give you lacking men some quick tips to remember:

When You Least Expect It
Flirting can happen almost anywhere, so always bring your A game...or at least a solid B-. 

Timing Is Everything
Notice I said flirting can happen, almost anywhere, not everywhere. This means no flirting at funerals, just after a woman has left the bathroom (this always feels creepy), at interviews, religious ceremonies, while she's crying on your shoulder after a break-up, after a car accident, and anywhere else where there is a larger issue for your cosmic meeting. I personally know these are horrid locations because someone has tried to flirt with me at each one.

Don't Babble
If you lack any clever lines, just stick with the facts and tell her a little about yourself and your interests.

No Arm Waving Necessary
A little subtlety goes a long way. You don't need to be a complete ass to get a girl's attention. A nod, wink, cocked smile, or even shy glance could be the in you need. But choose only one of these and if it's a wink, only one wink, otherwise it appears as if you have tourettes or you think she is for rent for the night. 

Hands Off!
No touching unless invited to do so. I know many women feel violated when someone, especially a man, invades their personal space. She will give you clues if it's okay to make contact with her, such as her touching you first, her moving closer than necessary, shifting her weight in your direction, etc. When you get the signal be sure to touch her appropriately...this isn't the time for nipple tweaking.

Listen Carefully
Once you've got a woman's attention. Stay engaged and pay attention. If you are interested in something she says, ask her for more details. It's been proven that one of the top five traits the average woman wants in a partner is for them to be a good listener.

It's All In Your Head
Flirting is an attitude. If you're confident in your actions she be will too. Nothing says "You want me" like "I KNOW you want me."

Now get out there and sharpen those flirting skills fellas...and ladies, don't give them such a hard time if they stumble a little...you gotta kneel before you can beg.

Exactly what the doctor ordered

Anyone who lives in this area knows that underestimating traffic can mean the difference between making your movie date slightly late or having to reschedule for the next week. I reminded myself this when nurse sub showed up to my house a little over two hours past our meeting time this week. He had informed me that he was going to be running late, I just wasn't aware how much. Once he arrived I realized that he had been sitting in a hot car for over an hour just to see me on his day off...I could cut him some slack.

I mentally reorganized the things I had awaiting him and we chatted for a few minutes before I curbed the small talk and told him while looking over a small list, "I've got some chores for you to do for me today."

He happily began working and I felt better about asking him to come over that day to pamper me. First I made him put the dishes away. I didn't tell him where anything went and told him to find where most things went on his own. I wanted to see if he was going to nag me about their placement but he's rather sharp and did fine without my micro-managing.

He finished that in a snap and then I said, "Now go to the bedroom, remove your clothing down to your underwear, put on the collar that is on the bed and return to me for your next task."

I was busy finishing up some work of my own on the computer when nurse sub returned exactly as commanded. I had told him previously to wear "cute" underwear and it seems he had chosen well as he knelt before me in the collar and an eye catching, bright, modern pair of briefs.

I gave him his next tasks with more detailed instructions: dusting, vacuuming, and tidying up.

He again completed these without much assistance and with a smile on his face. I liked looking over from my work only to see him dusting away in tight undies and a collar.

When all those were done he came and knelt again at my feet. It was then I gave him step-by-step instruction on painting my toenails. When I finished I was surprised that he picked it up so quickly and did a more than decent job on his first try. Usually submissives (no matter how good their intentions) get a little sloppy with the nail polish and instead of toes that look steadily painted you'd swear a blind man had a try with the tiny bottle and brush.

Once my toes finished drying I wanted to have my feet massaged. I know that nurse sub loves feet and I love having my feet touched. I imagined all this contact with my feet was as pleasing to him as it was me and it always escapes me that he previously took massage classes until he actually begins massaging.

He held my feet delicately and ran his hands along my soles, taking care to knead at the right spots. He even wedged his fingers in between my toes making sure every spot on my foot had been touched in one way or another.

"Does that feel good Miss?" he asked mid massage but words escaped me and I just nodded as I relaxed on my pile of pillows.

Next I wanted to feel his hands on my body and I removed my top and had him unclasp my bra before he began oiling me up. Each moment he continued to massage my back I sank a little further into the bed. Saying that nurse sub has magic hands doesn't do him justice.

If you're noticing a lack of relaying in nurse sub's dialogue it's because he's rather quiet and doesn't speak unless spoken to generally when in sub mode (where ever did he pick up this little gem). Not to mention he is dedicated and focused once he goes about doing a task. I find him to be one of few submissives who genuinely enjoys submitting only because it makes the dominant happy. He is happy to cater to whims with nothing in return if he feels the dominant is getting exactly what they need; a true service submissive at heart.

But I can't help admitting after all the body massaging I was feeling a bit frisky. So, I put my bra back on slowly and then made him lay a blanket down on the floor. 

"Lay down on the ground," I instructed pointing to the ground. He did as he was told but went to lay on his stomach before I corrected him.

"Close your eyes," I ordered once he flipped over on his back.

I lowered myself down onto his face supporting my weight on my hands at first. I could feel him blow an exhale of hot air between my legs. I looked under myself to be sure I was situated as I wanted to be and then I begin to rub my lady parts on his face.

I could feel him wriggling under me and poking his tongue out thru my panties. I ground down a bit more on him. Occasionally I would check on him but he seemed fine as he stretched and craned his neck to try to get more of "me" on his face. At one point I sat up with his head between my legs and under my thighs, his forehead just peeking out and  I put the majority of my weight down on just his head. I could feel him using his mouth to try to satisfy me as waves of hot air moved between my legs whenever he wasn't suckling on the outline of my lips thru my panties. His eagerness and flicks of sensual stimulation were arousing and I began to rock my weight back and forth as I smothered him under me. It was queening at it's finest.

After a bit I stood up from him, my pussy noticeably wetter than when I first sat down and I looked at him.

He sat there, eyes closed, with the biggest smile on his face. He looked completely and utterly content. I've never seen a gentleman look as if a miracle had happened in between my legs but nurse sub could hardly sit up as he thanked me for allowing him the experience. His happiness made me smile as I couldn't help but think of the joy my womanhood had brought him that was only a small taste of it.

I'd say in this case I prescribed exactly what nurse sub needed.

59 days never felt so long

I have mentioned to a few of you individually but I am making it officially known that I will be traveling overseas at the end of the summer thanks to my very best friend/brother/kinkster-in-training/partner in hilarious crime. 

I am ecstatic!

It has been far too long since I have traveled to Europe for an extended period and I plan to make the most of it as this time I will be a full-fledged adult.  <---Can we say trouble?

Like any good Mistress I have already begun the preparations for meeting little British subbie boys and filling in a mostly kinky (and some vanilla) social calendar. I'd prefer not to be completely out of the loop once I arrive. 

I must admit a huge turn on for me has always been the accents of foreigners alike, but the English accent stirs something deep within. Anytime I imagine a proper speaking submissive toy at my feet I get goosebumps.

I'll be hitting a few of the touristy spots as well but it's really the hidden gems of the city I'm after.

I imagine the city will need quite a rest when I am done with it and I will share all the juicy details with you dear readers!

Is that a banana in your pocket...

..Or are you just happy to see me?

I love it when the guys I chat with online send me requested sweet nothings.

It reads: Miss L <3 All for You

There's nothing quite like seeing your name written on a nice hard cock, oozing with a warm load. Gives me fuzzies inside. I must be sure to return his request as well.

30 Days of Kink (Pt. 5)

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
I'm relatively open about who I am and what I do in general. I don't hide my kink but I don't advertise it either. I make it a point to not be "ashamed" of it. For me it's a natural part of my sexuality. I find vanilla couples make jokes about their sex life openly and when the opportunity arises if I want to make a kink-sex joke I do with no regrets. Many of my friends know that I am kinky and if they don't, they most likely wouldn't be surprised if they found out. As for family, I don't discuss my sex life at all with them...vanilla or otherwise, but again if they openly asked, I would openly answer.

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
In an entry a while back I shared a story about a couple that has been involved with BDSM solely thru web for nearly 10 years. For me, that would never cut it. I don't mind online BDSM play if it's to tie me over in between real time meets, or before I meet someone. However, online play as only option? I would never do that. For me BDSM weighs heavily on my senses. I love the smell of leather, the whimper of a submissive tied up, the feel of someone's hair as I grab it, the taste of salty skin when I sink my teeth into ones thigh...I'm sure online BDSM play works for some, just not for me. 

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
This is something I am ever aware of since I am in a relationship with a vanilla person. I am naturally dominant so that I cannot suppress---I don't even try anymore haha but my actions I try to take into consideration. I sometimes playfully bite or spank my vanilla partner. I like these things but I know that they are tied to BDSM for me, when I have a kinky partner, these are things that I do at my will and with much more force. So when I exhibit these actions with my bf I have to be careful not to be too forceful.

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?
I don't have a specific way of dressing. I usually dress however I feel. I love breaking the stereotype of dominant woman in leather and high heels by wearing a low-cut shirt and jeans and being extra dominant. My attire doesn't really hold much significance for my BDSM play unless I'm going out to a fetish club or themed play party.

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
I usually go by Mistress/Miss L and that's how I introduce myself. I've found the longer a submissive goes without calling me by my first name the more control I feel. I give my submissives pet names as well sometimes or if they have a nickname that people normally call them by such as "Bill" for "William" I always refer to them as their full name (William), to show that I am not in the same category as others. I think titles can be fun and also triggers. For me it helps solidify statuses.  

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about. 
I'll share a kinky joke I heard one time: A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down.

"My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed," she said.

"What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man. "She told me that I was too kinky for her, too!"

The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex. When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says, "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable."

She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit. However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.

"What happened?" she said. "I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?"

He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed your dog and shit in your purse. I'm done."


My 30 Days of Kink are done but that doesn't mean you can't do your own. Enjoy the questions here!

30 Days of Kink (Pt. 4)

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?
My main peeve is when people take themselves too seriously in my opinion. A shining example of that is the slahes of Y/your, Dom/me, etc and the self capitalization and de-capitalization of things such as My, Her, Him, Dominant, etc. It just makes me think they are trying too hard or being really anal.

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? 
Kink has made me less judgmental. I was fairly open-minded before but I feel now I've taken that to another level. I try not to look down on someone's kink if I don't understand it. Instead I try to learn about it as a concept and if I don't want to then I don't let what they do bother me. 

Day 20:  Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Haha I swear I don't read these questions before I sit down and answer them. Hmm, something I don't understand is toilet or scat play. It's messy, it has an odor, and it seems generally unsanitary...how can that be arousing for anyone--did I mention it's the stuff that someone else's own body doesn't want?  

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Of all the books I've read and own I find "Erotic Slavehood" by Miss Christina Abernathy to have an array of information. It's a great training manual and general book to help subs/slaves alike hone in on their submissive natures and fine tune their skills. If you are curious about whether or not you are submissive, this would be a good book to see what that might entail. I'm particularly fond of the things she believes a good D/s relationship should include. 

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
I feel as if trust (and truthfulness) is even more important in a BDSM relationship than in a vanilla one. That's not to say it's okay to lie in a vanilla relationship. I just feel that with BDSM it takes a lot of trust to let your guard down enough to do or have things done to you personally. There's lots of people who trust me but would they agree to have me tie them up and have my way with them? That's debatable.  

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Certainly! I came into BDSM not knowing what to expect but as with many people keeping a mental tally of all the things I wasn't into and didn't want to try. As time went on I noticed that not only had I tried some of those things....I also enjoyed them! I've made it a point to not say I'll never try something, instead I say I'm not interested in trying that "right now" because who knows how I'll feel in a year or five?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
I'm assuming this meant for a kinky partner.  If that is the case I find that my most successful partners have been those that are as patient with me as I am with them, open-minded but not mindless, devoted, and most of all friendly. If I feel like I am developing a friendship with my submissive I begin to feel as if our possibilities for new things are endless.

My 30 days are almost over but if you want to start your own, check it out here, it's fun!

30 Days of Kink (Pt. 3)

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
One of the first play parties I attended was a highly private event. It was by invite only and I wanted to impress everyone there (especially the hostess). I was particularly excited about this party because it was a "Masquerade" type of party, which appeals to my inner costume fetish. I had a submissive boy toy who was known for his "skills downtown". For me this is a curiosity because I am very strict in how I receive that kind of pleasure...the catch is I am highly ticklish in my vagina if it's not done with brain surgeon precision. So, while at the party to show off (hey, I was young and wanted to appear in control) I asked him to live up to his reputation. Literally five seconds after he began I felt this swell of laughter bubble up inside me. I tried to contain it but once I get started I can't stop. In the middle of this "classy" event with half the people in mask who were twice my age I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I couldn't stop for a good five minutes. Some people in the area still talk about that night.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
For me the appeal lies in how direct and natural it is. We feel these desires, we want these sensations, we crave our fetishes...it's our nature. The appeal is the freedom it presents in its second-natureness. If we are honest with ourselves and we allow ourselves to just "be" we truly understand what's at our core. 

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?
I see this all the time...submissive men who come to me and either a) they're afraid to meet me in a public setting because they think I will come in full latex and six inch heels or b) they are upset when they do meet me in private and I'm not wearing full latex and six inch heels. It's a no win situation sometimes with the people who are wrapped up in their own fantasies. I'm not a Pro-Domme, this a lifestyle not my life. In my opinion anytime you actually take part in a BDSM activity it stops being a fantasy and starts being a reality. I think kinky participants are usually undetectable vanillas in most settings.

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
I've been interested in the usage of a vacuum bed. This is a device where a person is placed in a latex envelope and then all of the air is removed creating an outline of said person, leaving only a small space for an air tube. This device can't be used alone and just screams EROTIC!

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
There's two things: One, is that I feel more sexually satisfied when kink is involved. I can be sexually satisfied...the keyword is I am more satisfied with it. For that I feel it's unfair to not alert my vanilla sexual partners that I am interested in kink. The other thing that's difficult for me is the general populace thinks what I enjoy is "taboo". I strongly believe that what someone chooses to do in the privacy of their bedroom is their business. Period. Who are we to judge?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
We are not freaks and not all of us have underlying emotional issues that make us "damaged". Contrary to popular belief.

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?
Most of peeves have to do with the BDSM community. It's just people being people but usually we are the ones with the power to taint things. Sometimes I feel the people within the scene make BDSM more complicated and/or unappealing than it needs to be.

And if you'd like to complete the 30 Days of Kink as well you can participate by getting the info here.