Blue light special

I was just about to call it quits on our #Girlsnight when a soft blue light shone before us down the bustling alleyway. I held his hand softly as we approached the window.

His perfect green eyes danced with glee.

"This is the one Josy," I whispered as I put my hand on the doorknob to push open. He just nodded obediently, silent with anticipation. I knew to get him into the sissy mindset before any play it was best to refer to him as his sissy name.

He had been making so many big decisions on his own and processing so much during our forced time apart. I knew it had been wearing on him. He had managed to meet me in Amsterdam, I figured not only was it our anniversary, I also knew this was a huge fantasy of his and I wanted him to remember who was in control. I wanted him to switch off and just do as told. A mindless toy.

'I don't do fantasies, I make plans' I could hear myself telling him two years ago to the day. I really believed that. Anything I thought was hot, I sought out to do, not fantasize about. And that always made it that much sweeter for me.

So when I walked into the tiny, dingy, dim lit glassed room with my pantied, sissy fiance whom I'd not seen for months, on our two year anniversary, with an eye-catching and slightly dominant TV I couldn't resist.

"How much for him to suck you?" I asked the prostitute as if I'd done this a hundred times.

She looked him up and down slowly. It seemed she liked what she saw.

"It'll be $100 for him."

She turned her heavily made up eyes to me and lingered. Her breasts heaved beneath her black, tight corset top.

"Extra 50 if you wanna join."

I instructed my girl to go get cash. He asked how much he should get and I replied, "You know how much," and off he went into the noisy streets of Amsterdam. It didn't truly hit me that we were about to partake in the world's oldest profession until further reflection. It was history. It was novel. And it was going to be fucking hot.

In the six minutes he was gone to retrieve currency Melinda and I talked about politics, the locals, our desires and our dynamic. Like most she was fascinated by the Femdom concept and asked a few questions.

And he just does what you say?
He likes pain? Humiliation?
Do you fuck him?

All good questions that I answered politely and when my toy came back, wide eyed, and then he was ordered to strip by Melinda. He did as told and then I stepped in admiring my view. I placed my hand out waiting as I slid the belt from his waist and through the loops with ease and held it tightly.

"Get down on your knees and start sucking slut," I ordered as I shoved his head in her general groin area.

The professional reached for a condom and waited by rock hard. It was an cock that demanded attention. My good sissy did as told and gobbled up the stranger in her little mouth like it was her favorite cock. She moaned deeply thrusting her tight little ass in the air.

I slapped the target with her own belt and degraded her verbally.

"Look at my slut moaning for cock," I said.

Her eyes looked up at me, any hint of innocence leaving them in a blink and then they bulged with reflex.

"Suck deeper. Open your mouth wider!" Melinda shouted.

I watched Josy struggle to accommodate more meat so I grabbed her by the hair and aided aggressively.

"Don't disappoint Mistress," I leaned in and whispered, a handful of her locks still intertwined in my fingers.

"Suck this cock like you want it. Show me you need it," I said feeling my own panties starting to moisten.

Josy, like the good girl she was, bowed lower and took more of the large throbbing member in her mouth. I reached for the woman's balls and held them in my hand and used it to stroke upward to give Josy more.

She gagged as her head was held in place. Melinda threw her badly wigged head back and laughed a throaty laugh. Then I reached back and started spanking Josy's ass until it was my favorite shade of red. I could feel my slut's tiny cock bounce against the leather bed. It was at more than full attention. I slapped it down and then again when it bounced back in an instant. She didn't flinch like she normally did, her mouth was full, her clitty was hard and she was deep in sub space. It was written all over her glazed eyes.

"You're not going to be using this," I teased as I ordered her to sit up.

I looked her in the eyes as I reached down to remove my soaking panties.

"Now Mistress is going to use this cock."

Josy stared at me with a gaped mouth and doe eyes and simply said, 'Yes, Mistress.'

This delighted the cross dresser who offered me a place on the bed. I stuffed my panties in my future sissy husband's mouth and placed my head under his pathetic penis. She wasted no time spreading me open and getting to work.

Her finger work wasn't refined but it got the job done causing me to twitch and get wetter. She sniffed the air and looked at Josy....

"I'm going to fuck your girlfriend," she said bluntly.

"I'm going to fuck her good. Are you ready?"

She asked this without really waiting for either of us and as she pressed her fat, thick headed, cock against my hole. It was all I could do to not explode. I was wet and she was putting my ankles above my head. Josy was directed to hold each one in place and was holding on with determination.

I imagine she was steadying herself in the surreal scene that was taking place before her.

This gave our lady of the evening a great view, two free hands, and placed me in a completely vaginally exposed position. I had three hands on my breasts and cock in mouth, and one in my pussy. This encounter was feeding my inner whore on so many levels it didn't take much for me to start squealing and struggling to hold my own personal ecstasy back.

"You see that? She like me FUCKING her," I heard her broken English with my eyes closed and a hard pounding to my pussy followed.

I began jeering Josy telling her what a naughty girl she was. 

"You're so disgusting Josy, you slut. You won't be fucking me like this."

Melinda spit on my sissy's chest at random intervals while fucking me hard and deep just keeping me on the edge. I could feel tiny sissy clit still flexing in my mouth so I changed back to the original position with Josy on her knees. She spit out the panties and resumed greedily sucking.

This time I ordered her, "No coming. No coming!' 

"No coming for you stupid," the sex worker chimed in as her hands slid behind Josy's cock and balls for a fondle.

I watched my sissy show me just how turned she was and how dirty she'd be for me. I could tell she was enjoying herself and wanting to pleasure me by just offering herself for use. The consensual desperation that was begging behind her eyes was dazzling and I spanked her harder until my hand stung. Melinda copied me on the other cheek.

I had a feeling that the prostitutes in Amsterdam weren't use to having an interracial, Femdom, sissy based intercontinental couple walk through their doors as I watched genuine excitement  and arousal on the professional's face. I let the two of them continue on their own for a few minutes while I got redressed.

"Have you had enough cock?" I pulled Josy's face from the still hard bobbing knob. She nodded slowly. I could tell she wasn't sure if she had either but I pulled her off anyway.

"You've had enough, now say thank you," I ordered.

Josy complied just as I added, "And kiss the cock." She did this graciously as well.

We washed our hands and my Josy girl put back on his panties, then the rest of his garments. We were glowing with an aura of sexual conquest.

Just as we were about to leave Melinda looked in a mirror and re-applied her make-up getting ready for her next customer.

"Very nice pussy. Almost make me come," she said to no one in particular very matter of factly.

"Yes, it is a nice pussy," Josy shyly agreed as we smiled and left.

I don't think I'll ever look at a blue neon light the same.

Loving you makes be a bad Mistress

I've learned I love him too much...if there is such a thing.

When he's around I can't think entirely straight. My heart flip flops, my focus zeros in on him in classic tunnel vision and it's all I can do to keep my wits about me.

Oh I can choke him until he's blue.
Promptly scold him when he's disobedient.
Watch his lips stain with blood after I slap him.
Punish him for indiscretions.
I can even piss on him until he's soppy with every drop of me while I laugh in his face.

But I couldn't send him away.

It was for his own good and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And in return it's made me feel like the world's worst Mistress.

The one time he really needed my guidance, my firm hand, my dominant mind, and solid direction, I wasn't there for him.

I couldn't be his Mistress.

I got swept up in love.

Normally that wouldn't be said in the tone I'm trying to convey but this time, loving someone too much has made me a bad Mistress. It made me unable to make the most logical, future affecting decision of our entire relationship and as they say, "It's all gone tits up!" and not in a sexy way.

We had a plan.
We deviated from that plan.
That deviation blew up in our faces.

And now for the foreseeable future my puppy can never be called home to be with me, his Mistress.

Even typing the words breaks my heart all over again. We knew it was never going to be easy but everyone in a long distance, international, poly, kink filled relationship knows that. But it's different now. Without rehashing too much of the ordeal puppy and mine's geographical status will continue to contain that great big, beautiful, though time consuming, ocean between us.

"Protect the property at all cost," is what I'm often heard saying during my classes or a scene. But I did just the opposite. And there is absolutely nothing anyone can say to me that will make me think it isn't my fault.

We talk a lot in kink about mentoring and protecting those we play with. When it involves whips, chains, and ball gags that's simple to manage if you're careful.

But what about when you care so selfishly about just having someone as yours and by your side, that you leave them unprotected and vulnerable? What about when know you're doing the wrong thing but you can't help yourself? Or when you justify the consequences of your bad influence in your own mind?

I'll tell you: You put them in a position where outside forces can cause more harm than any your deviant, twisted could ever dream of.

You put them in a position of not having you.

And even worse you put yourself in a position of not having them.

The domesticated Domme

The role of Susie Homemaker has never appealed to me.

I hate dishes
I loathe ironing
And window washing?! Death by watching paint dry please!

But I've found I love vacuuming, it's soothing. Dusting makes it easy for me to be excited by the visible progress and wiping the kitchen down creates a aura of "win" within me.

This week I've gone across the ocean 4,000 miles to be with my puppy. And there's nothing more I want to do than to take care of him. I find myself folding his laundry, packing his away bag, brushing his hair and selecting his outfit each day. And it fills me with such a feeling of accomplishment...sat on top of a mound of dominance.

I feed him by hand, chew his food for him, and restrict certain items after certain times and on certain days. Everything that goes into his body is controlled by me. It wasn't until recently that I admitted that I am very Motherly with him.

He has called me Mommy for the past few months and I can't argue that I feel just as titled.

This isn't in the littles or AB way. It's just in a caretaker way. It's another way for me to dominate him. It's a way for him to show his submission to me.

When he has lost his glasses I am there to find them.
When he is getting road rage I am there to calm him.
When he can't decide on what to eat I make the decision for him.

Does this make me any less of a domme?

I don't think so. I've come to find the entire arrangement very suitable for us. I would be lying if I tried to deny the erotic charge that fills me each time he wakes up in his sleeping whispering...

"Mommy, I need you," as he snuggles close against my warm body.

And I've come to feel safe saying, "I need you too."

The twilight zone

After my trip to London I feel a bit empty. Aside from my personal issues while there my scene experience was great...too great in fact. It's made me feel as if the scene in this area is not where I belong.

When I was overseas it was like a parallel universe where plus size dominant women were in high demand but low supply. My American accent was charming and an instant conversation starter and any British accents were added bonus points for me. I got to attend three fetish events in the week that I was there and while I didn't get to know "everyone" I felt as if the crowd was much more welcoming than in the Metro DC area, which is a shame...because this is where I live.

I also got to meet with five potential submissives, only one of who I had actually chatted with online. The previous guys all backed out in one form or another---so I guess they have that in common with the American men as well. But the gents I did meet while there were a total delight and needed little to no coaching on my part to be submissive toward me. It was amusing leading one guy around by his belt buckle in the busy streets of London as we did get a few odd looks haha.

I know that I don't go out in the Metro DC scene anymore because it is a bit of a headache with the social politics (two groups are vying for attention and hold their festives on the same night every month), the influx of Pro Dommes at every event trying to drum up business, and the general clique feel of things. It seems to be all in "who you know" and "not what you like" in this area.

I've been dreading admitting this because I'm not sure if it was a mix of the travel bug (i.e. new place = blinders, foreign country, etc) or if it really is as black and white as it appears from my end. I've been back two months now and still, like a steady, annoying, drip from a leaky ceiling the men contacting me here are not within my criteria. The fact that many of them don't take the time to read a few simple words on a profile that states what I'm looking for in bullet format really irks the shit out of me! I find myself more angry at the fact that they blatantly ignore my wishes to write me promising how devotedly submissive they are and how well they follow instructions than the actual messages themselves.

*Sigh*  So the question remains, "Where are all the good male DC submissives?"

Life happens

Well I arrived in the UK last weekend and have left this weekend. This was much shorter than the couple months I planned to visit. I didn't get to see much of the city but an extreme family emergency has called me back and it was imminent that I return. Perhaps I will return again at a later time.

I apologize in advance for any future slack in my blogging, but don't worry I'm sure I'll be back full force once things settle down.

59 days never felt so long

I have mentioned to a few of you individually but I am making it officially known that I will be traveling overseas at the end of the summer thanks to my very best friend/brother/kinkster-in-training/partner in hilarious crime. 

I am ecstatic!

It has been far too long since I have traveled to Europe for an extended period and I plan to make the most of it as this time I will be a full-fledged adult.  <---Can we say trouble?

Like any good Mistress I have already begun the preparations for meeting little British subbie boys and filling in a mostly kinky (and some vanilla) social calendar. I'd prefer not to be completely out of the loop once I arrive. 

I must admit a huge turn on for me has always been the accents of foreigners alike, but the English accent stirs something deep within. Anytime I imagine a proper speaking submissive toy at my feet I get goosebumps.

I'll be hitting a few of the touristy spots as well but it's really the hidden gems of the city I'm after.

I imagine the city will need quite a rest when I am done with it and I will share all the juicy details with you dear readers!