Love yourself: Full frontal Mistress

There's no one I love more than myself. 

I don't say that to come across as an asshole, I say that because it's the person I spend the most time with. The one whose mind I get to run rampant through and who I lie awake with each night.

Just having passed that day that promotes love is love is love, it's easy to forget to love yourself first and foremost.

When I first peeked my head into BDSM I was a different type of person. Not different in so much as I wasn't who I am today, just that I presented myself to the general populace as a different type of person.

I have always been a loud, life-of-the-party kind of girl. My sexplorations ranging in mild to "You did what?!" My sassy attitude was still my best weapon.

But once I decided to actually become a "Mistress" I figured I would be myself---fully. No longer would I hide my sexual conquests, semi-shamefully until I found others who wouldn't judge me mostly because they didn't care. No more pretending I was only vulgar because I hung around guys and not because it pleased me. And absolutely under no circumstances would I shield my sassiness from people who might not be able to handle it.

It started out with little things here and there.

The people I talked to: Open-minded folks who cared more about what type of person I was as opposed to what fashion I wore.

The secret thoughts I had: I felt "okay" wanting to dominate a man in and out of the bedroom rather than being doomed to let him lead the way through our failed relationship.

The places I went: BDSM clubs over obnoxious nightclubs filled with unworthy men grinding up on me as I tried to politely (and not so politely) decline their advances.

But all paths led here---to a Mundane to Mistress lifestyle.

When I ceased to keep the two halves of myself separate and combined the two it was like the universe sighed in relief with me...Finally, what took you so long???

It's been years now since I've had to keep up a facade that was as uncomfortable for me as wearing a too-tight wool sweater. I have a career where I can be myself. If clients want to know what I'm about sexually they most likely aren't going to cringe when I mention the four-letters BDSM. If I want to wear my piercings or show cleavage around my general workday no one bats an eye...unless it's to take a gander. And when someone makes a crass joke I can laugh out loud because everyone else is around me is doing so as well.

No more hiding.

I just realized today that this is one of the most fulfilled periods in my life. My life philosophy over time has turned from "Just try to please everyone" to "I am who I am, and fuck the rest'". That's not to say I don't care what others think. Of course I do, it's human nature to want to be accepted, to need to be liked and cared for. I've just realize not to attach too much feeling on others' negative opinions about me, if I feel it's overly judgmental or non-constructive.

I don't have to settle for people who I can show some of myself to but not the rest, oh no. I make it a point to surround myself with people who can accept all facets of my personality and most often than not, cheer for me from the sidelines of life just as I do for them. It's taken time to find the perfect circle of friends and associates but the hard work and scrutiny has certainly paid off.

My transition from mundane to Mistress has changed my life in so many ways and I don't think I could go back even if I tried.

For now, this is where I want to be and this is who I want to be and it feels good to just be able to be.

Lick my boots and I'll be yours forever...

One would think on such a day as Valentine's Day that you would be in a good mood; having a loving boyfriend who is mostly attentive and very caring. Especially when showering of gifts is involved. But that is not the case as I sit here with 5 male friends, all misfits of the romantic world and I watch them blatantly ignore the day's underlying meaning...instead they come here for camaraderie...a friendly face, and possibly a hug against my well-endowed chest.

So I indulge them. I provide video games, cookies (not heart shaped), warm milk, and of course, tight hugs =)

My boyfriend hardly notices that I have been mind-fucked by at least 3 of the gentlemen in the room and I like that. I like that sometimes his naivety can be passed over as trust. I love that his quiet nature sometimes screams submissive. Most of all I love that he lets me be me.

But on this day I am not as happy as one would imagine a girl, showered with gifts, receiving longing looks from her boyfriend, and being squeezed just a little too tightly should be. Instead I reminisce...

"This day 3 years ago I found my first real sexual
kink...BDSM."

It was this day 6 years ago that I sat upon a thrown in a darkly lit, smoke filled S&M club and watched as half a dozen men licked my newly shined thigh-high boots. And it filled me with a pleasure I cannot convey in words.

I had protested participating in such an event. I was merely an on site Photographer who was doing a college thesis on BDSM and alternative lifestyles...I didn't want to be on the other end of the lens. Yet, I ended up there. Maybe it was serendipity, maybe it was fate, maybe it was the thought of men worshipping my every move, or maybe it was just the $100/night that the gig offered. Whatever initially pulled me in was not what kept me coming back.

I must admit it opened a floodgate of opportunities and I have tried to take advantage of each one, holding on to their experiences like trophies...revisiting them often to keep them well polished in my mind's eye.

With one whimper
With one boot licking
With one cry of "More please Mistress L"
With one crack of the whip
I knew I would never be the same
I would never again be Mundane.