Whimper once for yes, twice for more

It's only been a short time but Mr. Dickless and I have already had a few bumps in the road.

However, we're starting to stand on two good feet again. This week we dined out together and he invited me back to his place. Always a good sign in my book. It was there that we engaged in some extended tease and denial. It was the first time that we've done more than our usual virtual teasing. Tonight was a lot of firsts for us.

I knew that he was a bit nervous so I didn't want to rush too quickly into things. We started with a simple foot rub. He was very attentive to my needs all night and I believe his new mantra should be "Can I get you anything". Mr. Dickless doesn't have the outward appearance of a submissive let alone a cuckold. On the contrary in my opinion he's a rather tall, statuesque figure. He looks like he can definitely get tough when the time calls for it. So watching him pitter-patter around his own apartment wanting to wait on me hand and foot (rub) was endearing and flattering. Once we'd settled in a bit I decided to take a little charge.

"Let me see how you shaved" I said to him as I fingered his waistband.

He seemed obviously embarrassed. This coupled with the fact that I was now requiring him sit down when he pissed was playing a few tricks on his mind.

"I've never shaved off all my hair before...it feels strange." He nearly blushed when he said this.

"Well get use to it. I want you to be shaved all time. I want you to be..." I started.

"...your little bitch," he finished, taking the words from my mouth.

He pulled down his shorts and I inspected him with my hands being sure to ever-so-carefully get in a few strokes. His small penis stood at attention staring at me intently.

He moaned slightly. I stroked him for a few more minutes, drawing his excitement closer to the edge before slapping him on the balls to jolt him back to attention. And at one point in the evening he surprised me by requesting to try the chastity device I had brought along. For the most part we went on like this for a few hours. Me teasing him with my hand, him being shoved into my breasts to suckle on my nipples, and me telling him in detail all the things I wanted to do with other, more adequately equipped men.

"I want you so bad. Please Mistress, let me have you," he begged repeatedly.

"No." I answered coolly. I think he enjoys hearing me deny him almost as much as I enjoy doing so.

So far we have some established fantasies that we'd like to play out but we're still searching for the right guy for our first time partaking in actual cuckolding. We aren't the typical cuckold couple but we're finding our own fun as we go along.

In the meantime Mr. Dickless has been ordered not to come until mid-April. He will endure as much tease and denial as I can throw at him with my watchful eye. All to prove to me that he is devoted to our cause...his transformation into a complete cuck.

Say hello to my little friend

His name is Mr. Dickless and I'm making him my bitch.

It started out like most Craigslist ads---I was searching for something generally specific but it was that which I knew I would never really find.

Slews of replies came in before the ad was flagged for removal but his was the one that caught my kinkster attention.

Within his reply he asked very plainly, "Would cuckolding be something you would be interested in?" As if he were asking "Red or white?"

And with that our conversations began to take on a life of their own.

I wasn't looking for a cuckolding partner but I'm always on about experiencing new things and thought 'What the hell'  and decided to give it a go.

We started out a few weeks ago simple enough just explaining what cuckolding meant to each of us, our experiences with it, and how we wanted to proceed. We've currently flipped between us being a kinky couple and me being his cuckoldress. While we're at the moment dabbling in both worlds it is no doubt in my mind where this is leading...

He will be my bitch.

I've implemented what I believe is an amazing mix of Mistress to our adventures.

He cannot have sexual release without my permission or must pay monetarily to do so.

He cannot stroke the pathetic cock that no longer belongs to him.

He waits with bated breath to hear about my sex with the bf, all the while I tease him telling him he will never "measure" up.

He masturbates on command until I am thoroughly aroused and then I leave him alone, horny and unable to touch himself while I am taken care of elsewhere.

He is not to fuck anyone without my permission---but I know he's already too much of a pussy to even try.

He will assist in any way needed in finding me a "bull" to play with.

He is in the midst of choosing between a great pair of cocks for me to have. Both significantly larger than himself.
 
He has promised when I decide on said cock, he will gladly stroke it to attention and give it a nice cleaning when I am through---all for my viewing pleasure.

He begs to dry hump objects in his home to fulfill his pathetic need to touch himself.

He tells me just how badly he wants me only to have me laugh in his face and tell him simply, "No."

He will be my bitch...and I don't think there's a thing he can do about it.

A key for every lock

I like keys.

I've always enjoyed the mysterious quality and history that they hold.

As a child I searched for keys with tenacity and hid them away in a wooden trim decorated box that I had received from an old relative.

When I was with my collection I could pretend the keys went to anything I imagined. I could come up with tales about where they were from and how they had made their way to me.

So it's no surprise that I gravitated toward chastity play as a beloved essential in my kink repertoire. It involves three of my favorite things: cocks, restriction, and keys!

I dabbled in chastity at first, never really having a partner who craved to be locked up the way I wanted until I met him---the submissive who begged me to keep his cock locked up until I thought it was worthy to be released.

I don't think he fully understood the "prison" he was asking for. I was the warden and would gladly lock him away and keep the key for myself.

We started off our chastity play as just that: play. He would wear the device he had chosen for an hour or less when he served me each week but as we got to know each other more my desires increased along with his. He had quite a lovely cock so it pleased me even more to know that when I wanted, it belonged only to me and I was depriving women all around of such a magnificent tool. We moved on to locking him up over the weekends and I loved receiving the texts from him begging for permission to be released because he had met someone at a bar or club and was ashamed to show them the cage. 

Me and my favorite key

Of course I denied it every time. I joked that when he found a woman who wanted to share the key with me, that then and only then, would allow him supervised release.

It had been more than two years with him being locked up on and off regularly. Mostly five days at a time and then I'd release him for cleanings or good behavior.

I never tired of hearing him plead with me late at night after sending naughty pictures of myself to him---just aching to touch himself, even if only for a few brief moments.

We began working on orgasm control and he became very good at controlling himself when I commanded him to come or not to come. I was impressed with his dedication to the cause.

We took a trip together that involved us flying and he was terrified he would be stopped at security for wearing his device. The entire wait up until we cleared security I kept jokingly grabbing him and saying: "Sir! We know what you're hiding". His eyes would widen and his breath would quicken and I would have the giggles for about five minutes at his fright.

Yes, controlling ones orgasms, arousal, and direct contact with their own genitals seemed to be stirring something in me the deeper we delved. At one point he went 101 days straight without release!

But then something happened, he met a girl. A girl who somehow didn't run at the sight of his cock cage (he willingly showed her). She was actually very curious about it and what it all meant. And while she had lapses in her expression of how "odd" it was, she eventually contacted me for advice and questions.

I told her nearly everything I knew about chastity devices and eventually she asked me to hold the key on special occasions. I really had to ponder this. Was I ready to give up even just a fraction of the power I held over him? Relegating the command of his orgasms seemed impossible at that point. (And I'll be the first to admit, I was on a bit of a power high haha)

When I consulted him on the situation he stated that he also worried that she was not prepared to be his dedicated key holder so asked me if I would train her as a key holder for the future. I was flattered and took up the challenge wholeheartedly.

Ten months, various workshops, piles of books, and hours of videos later I felt she was capable of key holding for him. She seemed to have let go of nearly all the negative connotations she had toward chastity play and understood the deeper meaning behind it; he craved control and functioned better with it.

It was shortly thereafter he told me he wanted to marry this girl who had become an integral part of our accidental triad. He wanted MY permission to do so. Who was I to deny him love? "Of course!" I told him instantly.

I was invited to the wedding but was unable to attend so instead I sent the best gift I could give. One that I hoped they would cherish as much as I had.

It was a card with a key attached that simply read: You already have the key to his heart now here is the key to his cock.

A trade

This week I turned my online BDSM profiles to inactive.

It's that time again where I must step back and take a break from the scene and re-evaluate myself and my surroundings.

I've been finding it increasingly difficult for me to tolerate the "submissive" men who approach me (on and offline) who are clearly outside of my ideal standards.

In the same respect I have found it even more so lacking in finding someone who does fit within that spectrum The prospects I have seem to be entertaining are sharing a common problem with me being in a vanilla relationship---which hasn't been nearly as much of a problem before this year.

It has made me ponder if the shoe were on the other foot how would I feel? When my last play partner had a girlfriend she wasn't vanilla and I was fine with their relationship as long as she didn't encroach on what I deemed "my" territory. Is this a territorial issue?

I've asked the submissive men what about my vanilla relationship is a problem for them and they are never quite able to put it into words. This in turns leads to me wonder if this is yet another excuse to hinder them from going thru with their BDSM desires or if there really is an issue for them, my being attached.

This puts me in quite the predicament---would I ever give up my relationship for BDSM or give up BDSM for my relationship?

I dare you

I knew what he wanted but I wouldn't give it to him.

He carefully placed his hand under my blanket now, rubbing just the underside of my cheeks as I lay face down. I lazily but rhythmically stroked his bare cock with my left hand, making sure to take care when nearing the head---his favorite spot.

His hands grew warmer as he tried to spread me apart ever so lightly but I wouldn't give.

He kissed the side of my face and my hair...an almost pleading in their meaning.

I laid perfectly still except for the stroking.

I felt his leg intertwine between mine and he nudged my foot with his. I could feel him wriggling his fingers just on the edge of my womanhood.

I was definitely getting wet now but I still would not open my legs for him.

Why am I so willing to submit to my vanilla lovers? Is it because I want to see just how animalistic they can get when they can have what they want? Is it because I want them to not be afraid to have their way with me? Or is it because every lady likes to be man-handled every now and then and taking control is much harder sometimes than relinquishing it?

His fingers grew impatient and he started kneading my ass and patting it, as if he wanted to spank me but didn't trust himself to do so without my usual permission and begging. He traced the line in the middle of my ass then danced over each cheek with his fingertips.

I knew what he wanted. His cock starting oozing a small bit of pre-come into my hand.

He reached up from my ass and began playing with the side of my exposed breasts. If I was an engine he wanted to warm me up before taking the drive.

I kept stoking his cock.

"Come on," I thought. "Take me!" I said in my head.

His cock throbbed in my hand.

I knew he'd never be as aggressive as I wanted him to be because he loved me.

I stopped stroking.

He slowly edged back down to my ass taking time to survey my reaction.

I yawned, I stretched, I rolled over and smiled at him and then I got up and walked out of the room.

I knew what he wanted but I wouldn't give it to him the way he wanted because I loved him.

Rant: Big girls don't cry

I have a right to be choosy.

I can choose who kneels for me...
who kisses my heels...
who worships my body...
and more importantly who serves me.

Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't get to be choosy.

I've mentioned before that I have a strict age preference for the men I want to serve me. For some reason this gets overlooked on a daily basis. I am looking for someone who can adequately serve me and whom is also atheistically pleasing to me. The age restriction I have enforced seems to be the average limit of when I stop thinking men above that age are attractive. Again this just my preference. Not to mention men above this age don't really have much in common with me. And yes there are exceptions to every rule but I'm speaking in a manner of generally this is what I want.

Recently on Collarme I told a sniveling 52 year old man-child that he was well above my age limit and he got snarky, down right rude if I'm putting it plainly:

"You're lucky a man of my submissive stature even wrote you. Plus you're fat, you should be happy that I'm even offering my service."

I've been called fat, chunky, round, pudgy and everything in between before. It wasn't the "F" word that got me pissed. It was his naive assumption that because I am plus size, I don't have many options. His idea that I should be grateful for the few scraps of affection I do get from any male gendered individuals because I am after all grotesque.

I encountered this often when I was dating vanilla men as well. No one should be considered "lucky" to have someone of the opposite sex acknowledge them. No one is above anyone else.

In case it needs to be said directly: Fat girls aren't desperate. Despite common misconception.

We just aren't.

I never write about my size because it's not a hindrance for me but it seems to be a hindrance for other people and honestly, that's their problem not mine.

I just wanted to let my lovely readers see why some men just aren't submissive material---or for that matter getting-to-know-them material.

Now, I will take my fat ass to bed =)

Dude looks like a lady

Congressman: I missed you.

Miss L: You only think you did.

CM: No, really I did.

ML: Prove it.

CM: Ha, you love having me at your mercy don't you?

ML: I have to admit it does get me a bit hot. Even just thinking about it gets me tingly.

CM: Oh...is that because you know to the outside world I would be a far cry from being considered submissive?

ML: Yes. And  I know behind closed doors I can dress you up like the shameless sissy you are and make you beg for me.

CM: *Blush* Yes Miss L. I would beg for anything from you.

ML: Good. Prove it. Beg to dress up in your pretty dress for me. Get on voice chat, I want to hear you whimper for it.

CM: Yes Miss L

He proceeded to get on voice chat and beg to wear the dress I liked to see his legs in. He was breathy, and spoke carefully. When I commanded a whimper he did so without hesitation. Hearing him moan and whimper made me want to dominate him even more.

ML: You're such a good boy for me sometimes.

CM: Haha I try to be Miss L. I want to be your good boy and yours only. Would you like for me to put on the dress now?

ML: Yes, turn on your cam and strip for me, then I want you to open the curtains in the room and put on the dress.

CM: The curtains? My neighbors can see in from this side of the building.

ML: ...Your point being?

CM: Yes Miss L, I will do as I am told.

With his webcam on he did exactly as I instructed. He took the slowest steps possible to the window and opened the curtains a bit.

ML: Congress boy, I want to see those curtains open wider. Just the way you were spread for me last time we were together.

He came back to the camera with a bit more red on his cheeks and a small smirk on his lips but opened them wider. I watched as he left the room and returned with his dress. He put on the stockings, his dress, a very nice wig and then he pranced over to the camera. It was quite sexy to watch the transformation.

CM: How does this look? Does Miss L approve?

ML: Turn around

He spun around causing his dress ruffles to bounce a bit.

ML: You look delightful! Now I want to see my good by act naughty.

He covered his mouth with his hand (like a proper lady), laughed and then curtseyed.

CM: Whatever you wish my Mistress

The twilight zone

After my trip to London I feel a bit empty. Aside from my personal issues while there my scene experience was great...too great in fact. It's made me feel as if the scene in this area is not where I belong.

When I was overseas it was like a parallel universe where plus size dominant women were in high demand but low supply. My American accent was charming and an instant conversation starter and any British accents were added bonus points for me. I got to attend three fetish events in the week that I was there and while I didn't get to know "everyone" I felt as if the crowd was much more welcoming than in the Metro DC area, which is a shame...because this is where I live.

I also got to meet with five potential submissives, only one of who I had actually chatted with online. The previous guys all backed out in one form or another---so I guess they have that in common with the American men as well. But the gents I did meet while there were a total delight and needed little to no coaching on my part to be submissive toward me. It was amusing leading one guy around by his belt buckle in the busy streets of London as we did get a few odd looks haha.

I know that I don't go out in the Metro DC scene anymore because it is a bit of a headache with the social politics (two groups are vying for attention and hold their festives on the same night every month), the influx of Pro Dommes at every event trying to drum up business, and the general clique feel of things. It seems to be all in "who you know" and "not what you like" in this area.

I've been dreading admitting this because I'm not sure if it was a mix of the travel bug (i.e. new place = blinders, foreign country, etc) or if it really is as black and white as it appears from my end. I've been back two months now and still, like a steady, annoying, drip from a leaky ceiling the men contacting me here are not within my criteria. The fact that many of them don't take the time to read a few simple words on a profile that states what I'm looking for in bullet format really irks the shit out of me! I find myself more angry at the fact that they blatantly ignore my wishes to write me promising how devotedly submissive they are and how well they follow instructions than the actual messages themselves.

*Sigh*  So the question remains, "Where are all the good male DC submissives?"

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Birthday wishes (Part 2)

I had invited quiet sub, I knew he was coming...I just wasn't prepared for it. We had some good sessions but then things just sort of dissolved with our work schedules and my lack of initiative and the times we had seen each other since then had been in vanilla settings.

So while prepping drinks in the kitchen, when I caught a glimpse of a cute, skinny, white boy with long hair coming thru my front door, it didn't dawn on me that it was quiet sub...even though he had told me he had grown his hair out.

There's no other way to say it: He looked completely and utterly fuckable!

Instantly I was happy I had asked him earlier in the week to let me give him some of my birthday spankings, to which he had happily agreed stating, "Whatever the birthday girl wants."

If there's one thing I miss about hanging out with quiet sub it's that he likes to have a good time. And by good time, I mean that we can drink together and get a little wild. He greeted me with a hug and I greeted him with a drink. He's much more relaxed when he drinks and I wanted him to be all relaxed and ready to receive my spankings.

We mingled at the party but kept stealing moments in the corner of random body gropings, intense looks, and bedroom eyes.

I pulled my other sub aside and said, "I want to give you my spankings with quiet sub, is that okay?"
 
"Of course! If that's what you want Miss L," he responded smiling.

I slunk over to quiet sub and pressed him up against my hallway wall lightly, carefully placing my body just close enough to make him feel my body heat. I could feel his heart beating against my breasts and his breath was hot with liquor.

"Are you still okay with me giving you spankings with my other sub?" I asked half expecting him to veto the idea at the last chance.

He thought for a brief moment and said smiling, "Yes, it's fine, as long as you're still doing the spanking."

Shortly thereafter I told the other sub to go to bed room and wait for me there and then I told quiet sub the same minutes later, staggering their entrances.

I stayed back in the midst of the party a few minutes more (just to make them wait) and then I walked back to my bedroom, opening the door to each of them standing at attention. I locked the door swiftly behind me, the alcohol coursing thru me had shifted my aggressive gear even higher than usual. My mind raced with all the things I could do with not one but two willing submissives. 

But I needed to focus on the task at hand.

"So are you two ready for your spankings?" I asked mischievously grinning slyly.

"Yes Miss L" both said aloud.

I directed them to remove their pants and to get on their hands and knees facing away from me.

If I wasn't excited before, this moment was when it hit me: Two adorable subbie boys were waiting to be spanked by me, bottoms in the air just screaming be touched. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed quiet sub's perfectly round cheeks.

I made the other sub look as well to confirm that it was a great ass.

"You're right Miss L, he does have a great ass," he said to me directly. I nodded and pushed him back down with a smile. Objectifying men the way they sometimes do to women makes me smile if only for the mere fun in turning the tables.

I grabbed Bianaca, couldn't leave her out of the festivities, and paddled the other sub's bottom for a few slaps. He moaned with his head down. Then I moved to quiet sub and did the same. They both arched their backs and pushed their asses closer to me, wanting more. I switched to my hands taking turns, spanking one while teasing the others' balls. They moaned and groaned in pleasure. Inside the bedroom it sounded like a full on mini-orgy.

I couldn't let my other vanilla guests hear what was going on so I made quiet sub kneel on his knees and face me while the other submissive remained on all fours.

"You are so fucking hot. Do you miss me spanking you?" I asked quiet sub, grabbing a handful of his newly long hair forcing him to look up at me.

"Yes Miss L I do," he said in shallow breaths.

I reached down to feel his growing cock and then I spanked the other sub who was on my left side.

I squeezed quiet sub's nipples and he let out a tiny noise that sounded like a deflating balloon.

"Do you want to kiss me?" I asked him.

He nodded and I grabbed his hair again and planted my luscious lips to his. He tasted like the tequila we had taken a shot of earlier. He was quick to give me his tongue and we made out briefly while I pinched and grabbed the other sub's ass with my free hand. There's an intensity between quiet sub and I sometimes, a carnal-ness that takes over when we focus on each other but I didn't want to leave my other sub out.

"Spank him!" I commanded quiet sub pointing to the sub's bottom.

He lifted his hand back and swatted at his bottom landing a firm but not heavy smack.

I could tell the spankee was enjoying this as I knew he enjoyed being spanked also by men with his bi-curious tendencies.

Throughout the night I played a little more in bed with the other submissive, I teased him endlessly and promised he could orgasm the following day with a dildo in his ass (which he did) and he thanked me for letting him have the honor of sharing my bed.

Quiet sub and I played a bit more the next morning as well and I can honestly say with two blowjobs, four spankings, being fingered, having my nipples sucked, watching someone orgasm to my pictures, and fucking a sub with a dildo, this was one of the best birthday I've had in ages.

How can I possibly top this next year?!