It's not me, it's you
When do you get rest and relaxation in the scene when you're searching for someone?
As a dominant I often hold my breath after meeting someone new and taking them into my life. I never know if it will work out, what struggles we'll encounter, or how we'll actually mesh up together once we bring our relationship into reality.
Every relationship takes work and patience but for me personally, it's more risky when I take on a new submissive. I feel like it takes more work to find a committed play partner than it does to find a boyfriend or casual partner. If I wanted a straight up vanilla guy to date and go on dates or someone to see for a one-off with I'm confident that is easily obtained.
With a play partner it takes a little more time to work out logistics and find your footing. For me dominance and submission is a carefully anticipated dance. One leads and one follows. There will always be some toe-stepping until you and your partner learn each others moves but what happens when you are dancing the salsa and they are dancing ballroom?
There's nothing much to be done about it when your kinks don't compliment each other as well as you hoped or when things just don't work out. It's easy to sit thru baseball games when that's not really your thing but how do you convince him let you explore strap-on play if he's not interested? How can you enjoy doling out crave-worthy spankings when he's doesn't like pain, let alone exposing his bottom? It's easy to fake your way thru vanilla to get to the fun stuff I suppose, not so easy to fake being a submissive or dominant.
In the last 12 months I have played with more than 15 potentials! That's one new person a month I've been getting to know and they all seem to not work out for one reason or another. I like to think I've trained myself to be patient under the right circumstances but even that has a limit.
And short-lived yet completely full of unnecessary drama, my time with Mr. Dickless is over.
It's a combination of things working against us not to mention namely, himself. I've said it before but it never hurts to say it again: giving up control is paramount...and difficult, but key to a successful D/s relationship. It's hard to take control from someone who holds it in their teeth like a rabid bull dog who's favorite bone you've tried to replace. And while I don't mind being aggressive to get what I want, I need to know that you want it too, otherwise we fall into that "Is this consensual?" gray area.
Gray is not a color that suits me.
As a dominant I often hold my breath after meeting someone new and taking them into my life. I never know if it will work out, what struggles we'll encounter, or how we'll actually mesh up together once we bring our relationship into reality.
Every relationship takes work and patience but for me personally, it's more risky when I take on a new submissive. I feel like it takes more work to find a committed play partner than it does to find a boyfriend or casual partner. If I wanted a straight up vanilla guy to date and go on dates or someone to see for a one-off with I'm confident that is easily obtained.
With a play partner it takes a little more time to work out logistics and find your footing. For me dominance and submission is a carefully anticipated dance. One leads and one follows. There will always be some toe-stepping until you and your partner learn each others moves but what happens when you are dancing the salsa and they are dancing ballroom?
There's nothing much to be done about it when your kinks don't compliment each other as well as you hoped or when things just don't work out. It's easy to sit thru baseball games when that's not really your thing but how do you convince him let you explore strap-on play if he's not interested? How can you enjoy doling out crave-worthy spankings when he's doesn't like pain, let alone exposing his bottom? It's easy to fake your way thru vanilla to get to the fun stuff I suppose, not so easy to fake being a submissive or dominant.
In the last 12 months I have played with more than 15 potentials! That's one new person a month I've been getting to know and they all seem to not work out for one reason or another. I like to think I've trained myself to be patient under the right circumstances but even that has a limit.
And short-lived yet completely full of unnecessary drama, my time with Mr. Dickless is over.
It's a combination of things working against us not to mention namely, himself. I've said it before but it never hurts to say it again: giving up control is paramount...and difficult, but key to a successful D/s relationship. It's hard to take control from someone who holds it in their teeth like a rabid bull dog who's favorite bone you've tried to replace. And while I don't mind being aggressive to get what I want, I need to know that you want it too, otherwise we fall into that "Is this consensual?" gray area.
Gray is not a color that suits me.
5 comments:
it is about trusting enough to be in someone else's hands, Her will. If She knows me, She will gain by doing what Her art knows She should
Hey L. Regardless of your challenges, it's nice that you still share your thoughts with us.
So if I may, and if you can, how do you envision your perfect partner within an ideal relationship?
I need to know that you want it too, otherwise we fall into that "Is this consensual?" gray area.
Ugh! I know what you mean! My bf and I already have a kinky relationship that involves little to no power exchange. Recently, he confessed that a power dynamic is something he would like to add to our relationship. Except, his actions do not match those words.
I wrote about it here: http://bipolykinky.blogspot.com/2012/05/suck-my-cockiness-lick-my-persuasion.html
Interesting. There's a lively debate going on elseNet about the submissive that wants to micromanage what she - or in your case he - wants to submit to.
It might be semantics, in the end. To me, that sounds like a dominant bottom. When advertised as a submissive instead, things get terribly confusing.
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