It's not me, it's you

When do you get rest and relaxation in the scene when you're searching for someone?

As a dominant I often hold my breath after meeting someone new and taking them into my life. I never know if it will work out, what struggles we'll encounter, or how we'll actually mesh up together once we bring our relationship into reality.

Every relationship takes work and patience but for me personally, it's more risky when I take on a new submissive. I feel like it takes more work to find a committed play partner than it does to find a boyfriend or casual partner. If I wanted a straight up vanilla guy to date and go on dates or someone to see for a one-off with I'm confident that is easily obtained.

With a play partner it takes a little more time to work out logistics and find your footing. For me dominance and submission is a carefully anticipated dance. One leads and one follows. There will always be some toe-stepping until you and your partner learn each others moves but what happens when you are dancing the salsa and they are dancing ballroom?

There's nothing much to be done about it when your kinks don't compliment each other as well as you hoped or when things just don't work out. It's easy to sit thru baseball games when that's not really your thing but how do you convince him let you explore strap-on play if he's not interested? How can you enjoy doling out crave-worthy spankings when he's doesn't like pain, let alone exposing his bottom? It's easy to fake your way thru vanilla to get to the fun stuff I suppose, not so easy to fake being a submissive or dominant.

In the last 12 months I have played with more than 15 potentials! That's one new person a month I've been getting to know and they all seem to not work out for one reason or another. I like to think I've trained myself to be patient under the right circumstances but even that has a limit.

And short-lived yet completely full of unnecessary drama, my time with Mr. Dickless is over. 

It's a combination of things working against us not to mention namely, himself. I've said it before but it never hurts to say it again: giving up control is paramount...and difficult, but key to a successful D/s relationship. It's hard to take control from someone who holds it in their teeth like a rabid bull dog who's favorite bone you've tried to replace. And while I don't mind being aggressive to get what I want, I need to know that you want it too, otherwise we fall into that "Is this consensual?" gray area.

Gray is not a color that suits me.

Rant: Who cares what you want anyway?

If you're a submissive male and you've signed yourself up for BDSM, you might as well signed in blood. You beg, plead, throw grown men tantrums, and all but cry to get the things you "want". But honestly it's never about what you want.

Part of your submissive appeal is that you are just that...submissive. If you haven't already, go look that up...I'll wait. Yes, see the part where it says 'submitting'? Ahh, glossed over that little bit did ya? Well next time re-read carefully! If you have been chosen to be under my heel then you better damn well get use to the smell of feet. I don't know about other Mistresses but I have usually picked my submissive because we have the same sexual interests or he has been foolish enough to list them as "willing to try anything." I might even have given him the chance to explicitly tell me the things he most enjoys.

Boys, that's your one and only cue to tell me what you want, other than that don't mention it! I am tired of submissives writing me with lists of the things they will 'only' do but stating I can do whatever I like with them. Today class we'll learn the lesson of an oxymoron. But seriously guys, your place is to be submissive...cater to our every whim, please when me even I say I don't really want it, and to anticipate ways to make me smile.

In return you will get our happiness...and isn't that enough to make your balls tingle?

Submissive enough?

In my search for a submissive, I have found one.

Somehow, that search has ended and sparked a search for something more...possibly a slave.

Don't get me wrong, my quiet sub is okay.
He's just not great.
He doesn't make me feel alive the way I did before.

This may not be entirely his fault but as my sub I expect him to strive to please me.

Instead he strives to be compliant. He doesn't seem to have anything that gets him going, he just follows suit with me. Also since he is a sub and not a slave, we don't always engage in D/s activities. Sometimes we watch tv, eat dinner, drink, smoke, basically anything but the good stuff (i.e. spanking, handcuffing, gagging, etc).

I understand, I'm the Dominant one here, it's my ballgame, I run the show. I would feel much more inclined if he were more open about things. He seems to be insanely shy (he won't watch movies that embarrass the main character because it affects him), he's pretty quiet, and, his penis hates condoms...every time I get the two of them together one shrinks down in disobedience...guess which one?

And he seems to want to have sex a lot more than he wants to be submissive. I often find him topping from the bottom and being quite forceful with his intentions. I have rebuffed him numerous times but my tactics are weakening and soon I may have to get bitchy. I suppose it is partly my fault for getting tipsy as well a few times and going along with sex.

But, it is here I have found desiring all the things I miss in a slave. In what my sub lacks I long for in someone who will hand it over readily.

Perhaps it is time to delve deeper into the rabbit hole once again...