A trade
This week I turned my online BDSM profiles to inactive.
It's that time again where I must step back and take a break from the scene and re-evaluate myself and my surroundings.
I've been finding it increasingly difficult for me to tolerate the "submissive" men who approach me (on and offline) who are clearly outside of my ideal standards.
In the same respect I have found it even more so lacking in finding someone who does fit within that spectrum The prospects I have seem to be entertaining are sharing a common problem with me being in a vanilla relationship---which hasn't been nearly as much of a problem before this year.
It has made me ponder if the shoe were on the other foot how would I feel? When my last play partner had a girlfriend she wasn't vanilla and I was fine with their relationship as long as she didn't encroach on what I deemed "my" territory. Is this a territorial issue?
I've asked the submissive men what about my vanilla relationship is a problem for them and they are never quite able to put it into words. This in turns leads to me wonder if this is yet another excuse to hinder them from going thru with their BDSM desires or if there really is an issue for them, my being attached.
This puts me in quite the predicament---would I ever give up my relationship for BDSM or give up BDSM for my relationship?
It's that time again where I must step back and take a break from the scene and re-evaluate myself and my surroundings.
I've been finding it increasingly difficult for me to tolerate the "submissive" men who approach me (on and offline) who are clearly outside of my ideal standards.
In the same respect I have found it even more so lacking in finding someone who does fit within that spectrum The prospects I have seem to be entertaining are sharing a common problem with me being in a vanilla relationship---which hasn't been nearly as much of a problem before this year.
It has made me ponder if the shoe were on the other foot how would I feel? When my last play partner had a girlfriend she wasn't vanilla and I was fine with their relationship as long as she didn't encroach on what I deemed "my" territory. Is this a territorial issue?
I've asked the submissive men what about my vanilla relationship is a problem for them and they are never quite able to put it into words. This in turns leads to me wonder if this is yet another excuse to hinder them from going thru with their BDSM desires or if there really is an issue for them, my being attached.
This puts me in quite the predicament---would I ever give up my relationship for BDSM or give up BDSM for my relationship?
5 comments:
Good question regarding a sub's problem with you having a vanilla relationship. I think that many submissive males, assuming they really want to submit, also want to feel an exclusive bond with their Domme.
It is bad enough to filter through all of the fake men out there, then further filter out the men who aren't completely fake, yet suddenly realize they don't want to go through with this, only to end up with yet another group of men who will settle for nothing more than having you all to himself. And by the way, doesn't that line of thinking sort of contradict the meaning of a submissive male?
I don't think anyone should have to give up a part of their life just to satisfy another. If I may suggest, and this is just me looking from the outside here, would there be any interest in looking for a sub with cuckold desires? Not the extreme type that is unfairly represented by the internet in my opinion, but just a man who takes joy in the fact that he is not your main lover? Again, I'm not sure of the whole situation, but your post made me think and stir up ideas.
Thank you junior! I was toying with this idea as well wondering if there was some sort of compromise that I would be happy with. I've often found cuckholding to be tantilizing but I know that my bf isn't dominant at all and was hoping that didn't affect the dynamic that the cuck would be looking for. I find it amusing that most subs say they aren't looking for sex or instant sexual gratification with a Mistress but the first sign of that as a reality and they "can't bare to share me" haha.
Thanks again!
Funny I've found myself in the same spot as you, but on the other side of the fence.
I'm in a vanilla relationship and it kills me to not be able to express my submissive desires in a relationship where those submissive feelings are validated. I've asked myself the same question about leaving vanilla many times.
Where you are having trouble finding submissive male candidates that would fit your version of an ideal partner, I simply cringe at how small the picking pool is of dominant women. Not to mention that of the few that are out there, many of them simply don't appeal to me on a general relationship/attraction level.
Still, I guess it's not a matter of giving up one for the other. These submissive feelings are hardwired to my sexuality and the yearning will always be there, as I suspect those dominant feelings will always be there for you as well.
It's a tough spot for you for sure.
Hello Mistress l
greetings from australia
from my point of view when a mistress openly states she is in a relationship it scares me away
why? i guess submissive males need security or need to feel secure ( not only in chains and locks)
Knowing another male is around just makes me feel if anything goes wrong in her relationship then the male may vent any anger towards the sub male
Its all to do with how strong the relationship is between all parties i guess
good blog
cheers
redden australia
@strongsubmissive: I know that everyone has their own struggles. I'm sorry to hear it's hard to find a dominant female. I know the average female wants to be dominated by a male (in a traditional sense) and any actions otherwise and they label you as "not manly". If only they could expand their minds I think they would be much happier.
@anonymous: Thanks for the inside view. Only one other guy has told me that he is fearful of a jealous bf, which is funny because my bf is about as non-threatening as they come. If subs would at least get the chance to know me and my situation before passing judgements perhaps it wouldn't be such a deal breaker. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that this could just be a good excuse to not actually go thru with submitting. I think like any relationship D/s ones are about compromise as well.
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