30 Days of Kink (Pt. 5)

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
I'm relatively open about who I am and what I do in general. I don't hide my kink but I don't advertise it either. I make it a point to not be "ashamed" of it. For me it's a natural part of my sexuality. I find vanilla couples make jokes about their sex life openly and when the opportunity arises if I want to make a kink-sex joke I do with no regrets. Many of my friends know that I am kinky and if they don't, they most likely wouldn't be surprised if they found out. As for family, I don't discuss my sex life at all with them...vanilla or otherwise, but again if they openly asked, I would openly answer.

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
In an entry a while back I shared a story about a couple that has been involved with BDSM solely thru web for nearly 10 years. For me, that would never cut it. I don't mind online BDSM play if it's to tie me over in between real time meets, or before I meet someone. However, online play as only option? I would never do that. For me BDSM weighs heavily on my senses. I love the smell of leather, the whimper of a submissive tied up, the feel of someone's hair as I grab it, the taste of salty skin when I sink my teeth into ones thigh...I'm sure online BDSM play works for some, just not for me. 

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
This is something I am ever aware of since I am in a relationship with a vanilla person. I am naturally dominant so that I cannot suppress---I don't even try anymore haha but my actions I try to take into consideration. I sometimes playfully bite or spank my vanilla partner. I like these things but I know that they are tied to BDSM for me, when I have a kinky partner, these are things that I do at my will and with much more force. So when I exhibit these actions with my bf I have to be careful not to be too forceful.

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?
I don't have a specific way of dressing. I usually dress however I feel. I love breaking the stereotype of dominant woman in leather and high heels by wearing a low-cut shirt and jeans and being extra dominant. My attire doesn't really hold much significance for my BDSM play unless I'm going out to a fetish club or themed play party.

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
I usually go by Mistress/Miss L and that's how I introduce myself. I've found the longer a submissive goes without calling me by my first name the more control I feel. I give my submissives pet names as well sometimes or if they have a nickname that people normally call them by such as "Bill" for "William" I always refer to them as their full name (William), to show that I am not in the same category as others. I think titles can be fun and also triggers. For me it helps solidify statuses.  

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about. 
I'll share a kinky joke I heard one time: A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down.

"My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed," she said.

"What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man. "She told me that I was too kinky for her, too!"

The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex. When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says, "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable."

She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit. However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.

"What happened?" she said. "I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?"

He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed your dog and shit in your purse. I'm done."

My 30 Days of Kink are done but that doesn't mean you can't do your own. Enjoy the questions here!
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30 Days of Kink (Pt. 4)

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?
My main peeve is when people take themselves too seriously in my opinion. A shining example of that is the slahes of Y/your, Dom/me, etc and the self capitalization and de-capitalization of things such as My, Her, Him, Dominant, etc. It just makes me think they are trying too hard or being really anal.

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? 
Kink has made me less judgmental. I was fairly open-minded before but I feel now I've taken that to another level. I try not to look down on someone's kink if I don't understand it. Instead I try to learn about it as a concept and if I don't want to then I don't let what they do bother me. 

Day 20:  Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Haha I swear I don't read these questions before I sit down and answer them. Hmm, something I don't understand is toilet or scat play. It's messy, it has an odor, and it seems generally unsanitary...how can that be arousing for anyone--did I mention it's the stuff that someone else's own body doesn't want?  

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Of all the books I've read and own I find "Erotic Slavehood" by Miss Christina Abernathy to have an array of information. It's a great training manual and general book to help subs/slaves alike hone in on their submissive natures and fine tune their skills. If you are curious about whether or not you are submissive, this would be a good book to see what that might entail. I'm particularly fond of the things she believes a good D/s relationship should include. 

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
I feel as if trust (and truthfulness) is even more important in a BDSM relationship than in a vanilla one. That's not to say it's okay to lie in a vanilla relationship. I just feel that with BDSM it takes a lot of trust to let your guard down enough to do or have things done to you personally. There's lots of people who trust me but would they agree to have me tie them up and have my way with them? That's debatable.  

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Certainly! I came into BDSM not knowing what to expect but as with many people keeping a mental tally of all the things I wasn't into and didn't want to try. As time went on I noticed that not only had I tried some of those things....I also enjoyed them! I've made it a point to not say I'll never try something, instead I say I'm not interested in trying that "right now" because who knows how I'll feel in a year or five?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
I'm assuming this meant for a kinky partner.  If that is the case I find that my most successful partners have been those that are as patient with me as I am with them, open-minded but not mindless, devoted, and most of all friendly. If I feel like I am developing a friendship with my submissive I begin to feel as if our possibilities for new things are endless.

My 30 days are almost over but if you want to start your own, check it out here, it's fun!
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30 Days of Kink (Pt. 3)

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
One of the first play parties I attended was a highly private event. It was by invite only and I wanted to impress everyone there (especially the hostess). I was particularly excited about this party because it was a "Masquerade" type of party, which appeals to my inner costume fetish. I had a submissive boy toy who was known for his "skills downtown". For me this is a curiosity because I am very strict in how I receive that kind of pleasure...the catch is I am highly ticklish in my vagina if it's not done with brain surgeon precision. So, while at the party to show off (hey, I was young and wanted to appear in control) I asked him to live up to his reputation. Literally five seconds after he began I felt this swell of laughter bubble up inside me. I tried to contain it but once I get started I can't stop. In the middle of this "classy" event with half the people in mask who were twice my age I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I couldn't stop for a good five minutes. Some people in the area still talk about that night.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
For me the appeal lies in how direct and natural it is. We feel these desires, we want these sensations, we crave our fetishes...it's our nature. The appeal is the freedom it presents in its second-natureness. If we are honest with ourselves and we allow ourselves to just "be" we truly understand what's at our core. 

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?
I see this all the time...submissive men who come to me and either a) they're afraid to meet me in a public setting because they think I will come in full latex and six inch heels or b) they are upset when they do meet me in private and I'm not wearing full latex and six inch heels. It's a no win situation sometimes with the people who are wrapped up in their own fantasies. I'm not a Pro-Domme, this a lifestyle not my life. In my opinion anytime you actually take part in a BDSM activity it stops being a fantasy and starts being a reality. I think kinky participants are usually undetectable vanillas in most settings.

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
I've been interested in the usage of a vacuum bed. This is a device where a person is placed in a latex envelope and then all of the air is removed creating an outline of said person, leaving only a small space for an air tube. This device can't be used alone and just screams EROTIC!

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
There's two things: One, is that I feel more sexually satisfied when kink is involved. I can be sexually satisfied...the keyword is I am more satisfied with it. For that I feel it's unfair to not alert my vanilla sexual partners that I am interested in kink. The other thing that's difficult for me is the general populace thinks what I enjoy is "taboo". I strongly believe that what someone chooses to do in the privacy of their bedroom is their business. Period. Who are we to judge?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
We are not freaks and not all of us have underlying emotional issues that make us "damaged". Contrary to popular belief.

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?
Most of peeves have to do with the BDSM community. It's just people being people but usually we are the ones with the power to taint things. Sometimes I feel the people within the scene make BDSM more complicated and/or unappealing than it needs to be.

And if you'd like to complete the 30 Days of Kink as well you can participate by getting the info here
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30 Days of Kink (Pt. 2)

Day 5. What was your first kinky sexual experience?
Hmm...I would have to say it back in my teens. My senior year of high school I had interesting companionship with an older man. He was the first person I tied up. We were at his place when I teased him saying that he had been naughty (I can't remember why now) but it ended with me tying him with his own tie to a chair and essentially teasing him for a bit.

Day 6. Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy. 
I have a few things I want to try that I'd consider weird but my most recent one has been on human doll play. I find it highly erotic to think about completely controlling someone for a day from morning to night. What appeals to me even further is that I want a human doll who can only say a few phrases all day (like the dolls with pull strings) and that essentially whatever I make them do goes. I saw a special about men and love dolls...which are great if you're into that but I think the actual human doll play pushes that up to another level. 

Day 7. What's your favorite toy? 
My favorite toy I no longer have, I've yet to replace it. But it use to be my pair of vampire gloves. They are gloves that have short, tiny spikes on the palm of them. The sensation play with these are amazing! Not to mention you can create a light prick or really give your partner something to yell about if you apply more pressure.

Day 8. Post a kinky image you find erotic.

This image really speaks to me as I often parade around the house bottomless. And when I do have a submissive doing things for me, I like to grope, fondle, and just generally let it be known that their body belongs to me when in my presence.

Day 9. Post a kink related song or music image you enjoy.
I often can be found blasting Lady Gaga's song "I Like It Rough", I love the lines:

"I'm shiny and I know it
Don't know why you want to blow it
Need a man who likes it rough
Likes it rough, likes it rough"

Even though the song isn't about anything kink, I found those lyrics to fit when I need them.

Day 10. What are your hard limits? 
Mine are the usual, no water sports, scat, children, blood, infidelity. Those things I cannot compromise on.

Day 11. What are your views on the ethics of kink?
For me I believe as long as things are safe, sane, and consensual and no one is getting emotionally or mentally scarred then who am I to judge? BDSM relationships and interests are no different than vanilla relationships and interests--they are complicated and unique in their own right. If it works for the individual(s) involved then I don't see any harm.

Remember if you want to participate in your own 30 Days of Kink, follow this link!
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30 Days of Kink

This month I'd like to reflect on my inner kink. I've seen this floating around the web for some time now and decided to pitch in. I'll be doing mine in weekly installments. If you want to participate or see where I got the idea, check it out over here.

So here are my 30 Days of Kink

Day 1. Dom, sub, switch? What part of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I always struggle when I have to define myself in terms of my kinky self. I am a dominant woman overall. I am still myself but I take all the attributes that normally are seen as negative within a woman and use them to my advantage and will. Instead of headstrong, confident, opinionated, decisive being flaws, I turn them into the very things other desire to have.

Day 2. List your kinks 
Seriously? Oh I have way too many to name but a few of my favorite are spanking, queening, chastity, light humiliation, discrete public play, mind control, sensory restrictions, puppy play, begging, tease & denial, light bondage, breath play, mummification, scratching, mild pain, body & foot worship, and of course collars and leashes.

Day 3. How did you discover you were kinky? 
For me it wasn't as if a light bulb went off. I've always known that my sexual interests were a bit unconventional, not even extreme but for me the typical relationship and sexual encounter never left me completely satisfied. The older I got the less I fought against it. Once I realized there were other people with the same interests I was delighted to have found a place where I wasn't frowned upon but rather understood and if not, tried to be understood. It's nice not to be judged.

Day 4. Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks? 
Certainly. I have always been drawn to rather submissive guys now that I look back. Dominant men and myself have had our fun but it was intense and felt like more of a power struggle. I am a total alpha woman, when a man questions me I feel the need to flex my breasts and show that I have just as much authority as he does with his penis. My vanilla relationships with dominant men have always ended rather dramatically and our time together was usually tumultuous.  
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