Submissive enough?

In my search for a submissive, I have found one.

Somehow, that search has ended and sparked a search for something more...possibly a slave.

Don't get me wrong, my quiet sub is okay.
He's just not great.
He doesn't make me feel alive the way I did before.

This may not be entirely his fault but as my sub I expect him to strive to please me.

Instead he strives to be compliant. He doesn't seem to have anything that gets him going, he just follows suit with me. Also since he is a sub and not a slave, we don't always engage in D/s activities. Sometimes we watch tv, eat dinner, drink, smoke, basically anything but the good stuff (i.e. spanking, handcuffing, gagging, etc).

I understand, I'm the Dominant one here, it's my ballgame, I run the show. I would feel much more inclined if he were more open about things. He seems to be insanely shy (he won't watch movies that embarrass the main character because it affects him), he's pretty quiet, and, his penis hates condoms...every time I get the two of them together one shrinks down in disobedience...guess which one?

And he seems to want to have sex a lot more than he wants to be submissive. I often find him topping from the bottom and being quite forceful with his intentions. I have rebuffed him numerous times but my tactics are weakening and soon I may have to get bitchy. I suppose it is partly my fault for getting tipsy as well a few times and going along with sex.

But, it is here I have found desiring all the things I miss in a slave. In what my sub lacks I long for in someone who will hand it over readily.

Perhaps it is time to delve deeper into the rabbit hole once again...
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Slave, Subs, Tops, Bottoms, oh my!

I was having a very heated debate online today (and yes, I know arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics...) but sometimes I like to get my blood boiling.

Today was a just a mild disagreement, no harm was done =). But an ignorance just on the cusp of the scene was revealed to me. Many people do not know the difference between a sub/submissive and a slave.

Make no mistake there is a difference.

And anyone who has tagged themselves as either will gladly tell you so. As will the Dominants of those. Their relationship is often abbreviated D/s (usually with a lowercase for the submissive to show their role), also described as Tops and bottoms respectively.

So for edification I will give my own definition of the two. This is in no one way the only or correct definition, it is merely defined from my perspective:

Usually used to designate a person who is passive. They are usually on the receiving end of the relationship. They are obedient to an extent. They usually explain their limits to their Dominants (who respect them) and their role is merely a session for them. Once they are not in session (an increment of time spent with the Dominant) then they go about their day-to-day lives as normal. The time with the Dominant is commonly referred to as "play". They have a wide range of free will and usually only do tasks that they are comfortable with or have requested.

This is usually assigned to someone with a more intense acting-out of being a submissive. For them being a slave is not just "play" but more so a lifestyle. Their attitude or reactions to certain situations don't reflect being in the presence of the Dominant because they are always in "slave-mode". They usually go as far as being "trained" to please their Dominant, whereas many submissives just follow orders on a session-by-session basis. Slaves don't exhibit free will. They do whatever the Dominant commands (so long as it is not overly harmful)

I somewhat hate this term and concept but nonetheless it exists. This would be a person a who either a submissive or a Dominant depending on their current mood. It's handy in a large group when you need to even things out but personally I think it's unrealistic and somewhat confusing. Unless of course you pair two switches together, then everything is perfect!

Both slaves and submissives have submissive personalities. They are essentially allowing someone else to have temporary control over them. They both seek for someone to make decisions for them and to command them into various scenarios.

There's your brief lesson for the day readers, now remember this when a girl says she wants to be your slave not your submissive...means you can do more beautifully tragic things to her *evil grin*
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Throwing out the net...what fishies will I find?

So I've found a new site to look for submissives on.
Baring that the Craigslist thing doesn't work out (and honestly when does it ever?)

I have only been on Collarme for a few days but already my mailbox has been flooded with responses to my profile. I find it ungodly amusing that many of these pathetic men write me in an attempt to tell me they are exactly what I want. When in actuality they have not even read what I have specified.


It is not you. I want a man who will submit to me wholeheartedly and with an open-mind. I have had almost a dozen submissives and slaves, and one puppy bitch who I was merely co-training. I am quite experienced in my BDSM realm. My bedroom is my world and I am the ruler. What I seek is someone who understands this bond we share will not be merely physical. We may not have sex for days, weeks, or even months, if you are displeasing to me. This experience should encompass body, mind, and soul. That is the submissive I am looking for.

A man who realizes I am better at deciding what is best for him and that when in my presence he is there to serve me however I see fit.

My happiness for his happiness...
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Slaving ain't easy...

8 months is a long time for anything to happen.

You can conceive and practically have a child
Take a mini road trip that sweeps you up and you extend your stay
Get over a bad breakout of herpes
Lose 30 lbs
Or even stop talking to your friends and obtain a new circle of people...all within that time frame.

One thing I have found you can not do in 8 months, no matter how hard you try, is to find a slave. Somehow this coveted treasure eludes me.

I don't remember it being this hard on the West Coast to find someone very much in the scene (by scene I refer to the S&M scene) the way I am. And, I don't think I'm that hardcore into the scene. My interests are pretty mild (I think) compared to most *Dommes or Mistresses.

I'm not into:

  • Mommy/Child role play
  • Crossdressing
  • Public humiliation
  • Female supremacy
  • Fisting
  • Pony/Puppy play
  • Heavy CBT
  • Watersports
I've noticed a lot of Dommes seek to degrade their slaves or submissives, whereas I feel I just want to expose and employ their given nature. I am naturally aggressive and Dominant, therefore I get along better with people who are submissive. People who won't disagree with me or want to stand toe-to-toe all the time (i.e. other Dominant natured people). I like the lighter sides of BDSM and the internal aspects.

I very much enjoy:
  • Collars
  • Light bondage/Mental bondage
  • Exhibitionism
  • *Objectification
  • Begging
  • Blindfolds
  • Spanking (I love the sound it makes!)
  • Obedience Training
Well I guess the only thing to do is to try different avenues to find the one I seek. Granted I do have a boyfriend now. But, honestly I have been searching for a sub/slave much longer than a boyfriend. I am not sure how my new boyfriend will feel when I do obtain someone to worship the ground I walk on...

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