Rant: Why so serious?

Recently a guy told me that he was giving up BDSM after his first experience with me because I didn’t provide him with what he deemed an enticing encounter (i.e. I wouldn’t have sex with him). Now I don’t know which is more pathetic, the fact that he so haphazardly (and falsely in my opinion) placed all his interests for the lifestyle in one and his first experience, or the fact that he had the balls to tell me I had disappointed him…as if I really gave a fuck.

When did this lifestyle become well…a “lifestyle”?

I can’t go to a party, event, meeting, or otherwise meet someone also into BDSM without one of the first three questions I am asked being, “So what’s your role?” I’m all for the nitty-gritty questions and figuring out if you’ll mesh with someone but whatever happened to a simple, “How are you?”

One of the reasons I decided to try exploring my kinkiness was because I loved the concept of open-ness, freedom to explore, and the space to actually be myself. But, it’s almost as if everyone has painted themselves into their own corners.   


Some people I've met are a bit stand-offish to me and when asked why they confess: We're both dominants or I'm not their type. Before any of these titles were are still people right?  I cherish getting to know individuals regardless of their respective roles. It just worries me when we focus so much on limits, protocols, and who you know as opposed to just relaxing and enjoying being with like-minded folks.

But on the other hand, as much as I lament this if you are too relaxed and push all the kinky stuff too far to the side then you’ll miss it all together. There has to be a solid middle ground. I’m still grasping this myself (as you might notice with nurse sub). I’ve been in need of kinky play so much that I feel that other side of my Mistressy attitude coming forth. It’s the side where I stop thinking so much about how caring I am to my subs and really just think of how much I want to use them for my sole pleasure with some pain mixed in, pain mostly for making me wait so long to finally have them under my heel. Oh the urges! I'm glad we don't need labels for those and can just be animalistic with our desires.
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Breasts, can't live with them....or can you?

I’ve nicknamed my breasts “Thelma & Louise” (bet you can’t guess which is which!) because these girls are always getting me in trouble.

When I first started to “develop” I was big into sports and soccer was a favorite of mine. I was the short, wide-shouldered girl who played defense and was nicknamed “The Wall”. I loved soccer, it was one of the few sports I felt that my height gave me an advantage. But when T&L started making their debut I felt really self-conscious about running because of all the…er…movement that was involved.  We won one game entirely due to the fact that the boy who was the opposing team’s star player and forward couldn’t stop staring at T&L whenever he got near our goal. His Mother actually crossed the field to tell my Mother that I needed a better, less distracting bra.
The first airplane trip I took, I was young and flying alone. A man walked over to me, to which I now describe as the wolf in those old Looney Tune cartoons with his tongue wagging and eyes bulging. I was naive (yes, there was such a time) and didn’t think much of his demeanor.

“Are the puppies okay?” he asked with a slight smirk.

I thought of my cat back home.

“What puppies?” I asked genuinely.

“The two puppies fighting under your shirt,” he replied with a perverted grin.
My first year of college I won first place in a local wet t-shirt contest that resulted in pictures being photocopied and pasted in my dorm hall.

I was a campus celebrity.
But, I went home this month to help my Mom with aftercare; she had breast reduction surgery. My Mom was “DD”, she complained of back and neck pain occasionally but apparently it was a lot worse than she let on. I’m “DDD” and haven’t had any problems as of yet. Again, I think my short/stout physique really helps with that. I never feel as if my breasts are uncomfortable, though they do get in the way at times. Know the last time I saw my feet as I walked down stairs? My sister is much larger than I am. She refuses to find out her proper size but if I had to guess I’d say she’s an “H”. My Mom wasn’t sad to see her breasts go, she jokingly said she’s too old to need them anymore but it got me thinking...

What would I do without T&L?  Being of mixed race I am a bit of a hodgepodge of ethnic parts, I definitely didn’t get what I’ve dubbed “the black girl ass”, I’ve been told I have child-birthing hips, my legs are short, my feet are wide, and my shoulders are broad. I am anything but the “typical” woman.  My breasts are my favorite assets just ahead of my lips. They’ve gotten me free drinks, funny questions, trips around the world, a boat (don’t ask), reduced college tuition, second and third glances, warnings instead of speeding tickets, special treatment…the works.

Not to mention, I fill out a mean corset!

The doctor who did my Mom’s work asked if I was next, to which I answered, “You wish you could get a glimpse of these babies!” and shimmied in his direction.

Thelma and Louise get me in trouble but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Married without children

I use to have another blog on this site that I used primarily for meticulously detailed information on how I was training my sub at the time.

While I found it fun at the time it sort of petered out once we broke up and I haven't updated it since. I was contemplating whether or not to delete it last month when I realized I had a comment that I had never responded to. Typically I would've called it a lost cause but this person was only searching for friends within the scene and left their email address, so I responded to the year+ old comment explaining what happened.

We chatted a few days later and upon talking, the reader, a male, asked if I'd be free for dinner or drinks that night. I happily obliged as I'm always up for meeting new people and drinking seems to be a local past-time here.

He got to the bar before myself and even though we hadn't exchanged pictures, I just knew it was him. We got a table and began chatting.

"So do you have a girlfriend?," I asked him almost immediately after seating.

"Yes", he answered.

"Did you tell her you were meeting me tonight?" I asked skeptically.

"No" he responded plainly.

"Are you going to tell her?", I questioned again.

Again he replied, "No".

I tried to let the issue go as we talked about general ideals; nothing too risque.

I kept eying the ring on his finger.

Our food arrived, he asked about my blog and some of the things I've done in the lifestyle.

I kept eying the ring on his finger.

We ordered more drinks and we started talking about our sexual interests.

But I couldn't stop eying the ring on his finger.

Finally I probed again about his relationship status by explaining my open relationship situation to him.

At last he said sheepishly, "Yeah...I should tell you, I'm married."

As the words tumbled from his mouth I felt myself fighting the urge to leave.

I may be some women's worst nightmares next to their husbands but they should fear not. I am very firm in my plight against anything to do with married individuals who play, plan to play, sleep around, cheat, etc unbeknownst to their spouses. So as he sat there and lamented about how his and his wife's sexual tastes didn't mesh up, she'd never really understand, he had unmet desires, blah, blah, blah I could only feel a twinge of annoyance.

I can't feel sympathy for someone who has placed themselves in what they later deem an "undesirable situation". I can only acknowledge their stupidity and lack of ability to critically think out an arrangement such as marriage fully. It's not really a prison when you're the warden.

When I asked him, "What would you do if you found someone you connected with sexually?"

He danced around the issue before answering honestly, "In reality I'd probably do what I wanted but not tell my wife unless it evolved into an ongoing thing or turned serious."

Yes, he really said that aloud.

We wrapped it up not too long thereafter (thankfully the metallic taste from all the tongue biting was getting to me) but when I got home I still felt very dirty. I am upset that my right to make a fully infomed decision was taken away from me with his lies. If he had told me the truth; that he was married, I probably would have never met him for drinks and dinner. Period.

This shit may work for celebrities but I am not looking to be anyone's Mistress on the side (not that he asked me)...but it got me thinking of past experiences when I have been asked. I need to be full, front and center.

As if a Mistress can ever truly be happy being "the other woman". Pfft!
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No harm no foul

"Hunting" season is officially over. I wish I could say I was sad to see it go but I am exhausted from my interview-esque dating schedule. I'm happy to be able to relax and focus on myself for a bit and with the holiday months just around the corner it all works out.

And it wasn't all bad, I got to meet lots of subs and weeded out the bullshitters. There are a few subs I'm still chatting with but haven't met who hopefully I'll get to meet in person soon...I'm just not meeting any new subs.

I'll spend this off-time making some new friends, further fine-tuning my fetishes, and as always continuing my research on the community.

I was looking over an older entry at the fetishes I wanted to try and it's interesting to see what I've experienced in just a year.

The sweet youngling (newly 19) who begged for me to just use him as I saw fit for the day. To not treat him as a person, to objectify him. Giving into something I've been dying to try was easy. As soon as I arrived at his house I made him carry my shoes in his mouth and proceeded to use him as a table for my laptop (with him laying across my lap), a footstool that I tapped to the music playing on my iPod, and a table where I sat a glass of wine and a bowl of soup and ate while I watched a movie. He was splendid and didn't spill a drop. Afterward he said he really felt like he was an object as I had little to no regard for any spills, hot items, or uncomfortableness that I imposed on him.

An older recently divorced male approached me in the area. We talked over dinner and he confessed the reason he had so eagerly sought to meet with me was because not only had his marriage fallen apart due to his and his wife's view on sexuality but it was also because of his desires which included being mummified for a full day. His dream was to practice a wife led marriage (which she wouldn't agree to). It would mean all the more if it were to entail someone exactly opposite of his wife who was a meek, pale, boyishly shaped housewife. "I wanted someone who could eat my wife for breakfast", he said blushing. As for me I happen to be beautifully brown, wide hips, full breasted, completely dominant and had no problem with wrapping him up in industrial size saran wrap and leaving him under the glass table as I sat in his living room reading a book. Occasionally I'd press on his balls with my newly purchased boots just to hear him moan, sit on his snugly wrapped face; covering his only source of breathing, or all together ignore his pleas to be released (which was something we discussed beforehand). It was quite an experience and I'm assuming by his constant plastic wrapped erection throughout the ordeal he thought so as well.

Usually I'm pretty protective of my undergarments. Even for submissives, I don't trust them to take care of them or not to do dirty things to them as I have often caught a few engaging in such behavior. But I started thinking of it not so much as something I need to be protective of but just another extension of my womanly power over men. Being a person who is highly turned on by certain smells I thought I'd give this a try. I went to the gym and did my daily routine before meeting a sub from Craigslist for drinks. He said he wanted to pay for my panties (I declined) but he was a handsome, unsuspecting chap who was wonderful to chat with. He nearly got on his knees at the bar we were at when I said I wouldn't give him my undies. I toyed with him telling him that perhaps the next time we met I would. Little did he know I had all intentions of giving him my slightly sweaty panties. When he went up to go to the bathroom, I slipped them off under the table (un-noticed I hope!) and stuffed them into his jacket pocket. Shortly after I stated I had to run but I wanted him to get on webcam chat with me in about 2 hours, to which he happily agreed, especially if it meant he could prove himself to me for my underwear next visit. Once we got on chat, I gave him a few commands (seeing a man on his knees never gets old!) and then I instructed him to go retrieve the jacket he'd worn to drinks. He was pretty perplexed but did as he was told. When I revealed my surprise to him, he started to pre-cum instantly. Honestly, there's nothing like seeing a man's dick drool for you. Upon sniffing my panties he begged to masturbate for me. I allowed him to do so as long as he came on my underwear and licked up his come. He did so without argument. I was definitely surprised by his intense response to my panties and even more surprised when he complimented my womanly smell as "earthy and fresh" lol.

This all makes me want to try even more things I'm curious about as so far all of my trials have been very insightful and highly erotic. Once hunting season is back on the fresh meat better watch out!

Things I am interested in have generally stayed the same but here's my updated version of the other list:

Fetishes I am curious about and/or want to try 
Red= No longer want to try
Blue= Newly added
  • Body painting
  • Branding
  • Business suits
  • Latex
  • Pet play
  • Chains
  • Feet on face
  • Fisting
  • Hypnosis
  • Human dolls
  • Kidnapping
  • Impact play
  • Mummification
  • Objectification
  • Panty sniffing
  • Pegging/Strap-Ons
  • Caging/Confinment
  • Prostate massage
  • Queening
  • Rimming
  • Gang bangs
  • Spreader bars
  • Spitting
  • Water bondage
So many wonderful things to try...where shall a Mistress start?
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Xdressing: Confusing fun for all

A few weekends ago I had the pleasure of attending my first crossing dressing party. I've been to cross dressing events or shows in the past, but this was the first event where I was invited to participate.

A week prior to the event I tried desperately to find a way to strap down my 46DDDs. Duct tape. Extra small sports bras. Ace bandages. Saran wrap. But nothing worked. It seemed these babies were here to stay (as usual!). So I decided to figure out other ways to include them in my costume.

My last resort was to dress up as an old guy and include them as part of the prop belly. When I started to look like something out of Big Momma's House, I decided maybe I just wasn't cut out for cross dressing lol.

During one my search for tips and tricks of the trade, I actually ran across a website devoted completely to a phenomenon called "FemSkin". For those of you who are as clueless as I was, it is a full silicone body suit that a male can wear to give him a female shape and working parts. You can get the full suit, just top half, just bottom half (with a neat catheter type deal for you to urinate without removing the suit), or just the good naughty bits. At $2500 to $3500 these suits are for the hardcore. But I couldn't help thinking that they look as if they really could fool a few unsuspecting, possibly drunk victims.  

This was definitely a world where I was out of my element.

My original plans also included myself and sweet sub dressing as a deliciously slutty cheerleader but he was unable to make it so I coached the bf into coming along. In actuality, he was a bit more excited about it than I anticipated.

"Should I shave my arms or legs?" he asked eagerly.

To which I exasperated and rolled my eyes.

Once we arrived the party was well on its way. People were mingling and drinking.  We changed and I didn't feel too left out since I had opted for very minimal cross play in a tie and Fedora as we hopped into the groove of the party. I got into Photography mode as I snapped pictures of everyone posing in the play room. They are a very photogenic and camera friendly folk, I love it!

Several of the males also dressed up and it was scary how well some of them looked! But alas I don't think I've changed my feeling on seeing men in dresses other than for my amusement or punishment.

Hard as I tried to imagine everything under the dress my mind kept trailing back to the cut of the dress, or color, or hem lol. I think panties and uniforms are my limit on what I find as pleasing feminine attire on males...but it's always fun to play with every now and then.
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Sex Toy Review: G Female Stimulating Gel

Recently I was approached to conduct reviews for the sex toy site TheirToys.

I mean really beyond hearing I'd get free samples of sexy toys and items, there was nothing more I needed to hear haha but I promise not to daunt you with an overflow of reviews...don't worry my blog isn't going rouge.

So, after looking thru a small selection of items I decided on the  
Love the container color!
G Stimulating Gel.

It contained all natural ingredients and promised to "improve female sexual sensation, arousal, and pleasure".

It's hard for me to believe an item can make me (or any woman) more aroused and this was no surprise when I secretly (to my bf) applied it while working on the computer. I waited for the "arousing" to consume me but it never really manifested.

Later that evening I applied it during a particularly engaging foreplay session. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by it's application. It was quick to apply (just put the clear liquid on your finger and rub on the clit) and the lubrication it provided was intense experience. It was cool at first and then a bit tingly; as if you had a breath mint in your nether regions. Once we actually got to the main event I did become aware of an increased sensitivity and that was definitely a crowd pleaser! They also have other speciality lubes available online.

Overall I'd use this product again, but sparingly...one to two squirts was more than enough to get the slip-n-slide motion going.
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Getting to know you

With a little under two weeks left for my sub-hunt things have started to pick up a bit for me.

I am definitely interacting with more submissives on and offline than ever before. Is it wrong to feel fucking womanly knowing I am chatting with at least seven twelve fourteen different potentials?

Though all this exploration has me wondering if there was a key element I have been ignoring up until now. I went out with nurse sub again for dinner and he was a perfect gentleman. His smile is infectious and we always have a good laugh-fest about random life happenings when we are together.

He's smart, he's funny, he's cute, he's respectful, he's independent yet I can still identify his submissive side.

So then, what is the problem you may be thinking?

It's that I am getting to "know" him. 

I am finding that the more I get to know a submissive the less I can see myself doing with them. My usual protocol is one initial meeting with no play and then if things click, we play on the next meeting. I have not been following that method very closely this year. Every sub I have met with so far I've had the preliminary "verify you're not a creeper" meeting and then we've continued on that way. We just keep meeting for drinks, dinner, movies, shopping trips, etc.

It's not that I want to completely objectify my submissives but I think our paths are leading to deeper connections that blocking me from wanting to do Mistressy things with them. This all came to me as a revelation as I was talking with nurse sub.

He had texted me before our meeting: "In the mood for anything in particular?"

I believe he was thinking of food but little did he know I was not, as this came only moments after I had lamented aloud how I wanted a boy at my feet while I worked. Once we arrived at dinner and began talking, I explained to him that his open-ended question had impeccable timing.

"You should have told me, I would've came over to sit at your feet or do whatever you needed," was his response.

But I instantly thought:
He works nearly 70 hour work weeks. Wouldn't he be tired?
Wouldn't he would rather have a relaxing day off instead of serving me?
How can I ask him to take care of my whims when he does that everyday for others?

These are NOT the thoughts I want to have about my submissives. Yes, I want to care about them as human beings but I also want to use them...I just don't want to use them. Trust me, I'm just as confused as you dear readers and it seems my big heart has struck again and is trying to prevent me from being the most of my Mistress self.

As nurse sub and I parted ways I told him, "Next time no dinner, well perhaps a small dinner...but definitely dessert afterward."

I'm so glad this is metaphorical dessert because I can't bake worth shit, but my paddle and I can whip any boy into shape!
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While the cat's away, the yuppies will play

I definitely get the phrase "a New York minute" after visiting this week. The city was enthralling, bustling, and confusing as always. It's almost like being home when I am there for an extended period. And this visit I really I had to tear myself away to head back to DC.

I initially went for some work and to visit a few friends but it became evident the city had other plans for me. On Friday I went to a local BDSM group. They met in downtown Manhattan and it was a group geared towards the younger players in the scene. I was really psyched to see how their groups compared to back home so I arrived on time only to realize, the group hadn't specified how to recognize them. Once I poked around the restaurant where they were meeting I found a hand written sign sagging on the table that just said their group's call letters. Further inspection of the folks gathered round didn't show off their more kinky sides the way I thought the DC group subtly did. These people were dressed pretty smartly for a 24-hour diner which made me glad I had chosen to dress up as well.

I dragged the bf along with me so that I would have a familiar face and to expose him just a little more to the scene; not that I want to convert him, I just don't want him conjuring images of the people I hang with that are unrealistic. We were greeted briefly...very briefly and then promptly ignored. I tried jumping in the conversation over the course of the meal but they definitely had a clique feeling to their group. It was obvious they all knew each other as they traded inside jokes and hushed laughter. I found out who was "in charge" (if you want to count a whiny, overly anxious, unorganized man-child as a leader) and tried to introduce myself again but I was brushed off. As new members came they scrambled not to be placed at the end of the table with myself..."the new girl". It was like I had cooties! I'll admit, I wasn't being loud or overly aggressive in the situation but that's because I wanted to make a good first impression, you only get one chance right? And they were tanking as I found their behavior down-right rude.

And just as I was about to leave a delightfully adorable girl with a small but simple collar sat next me. She smiled and I thought, "Now here's a friendly face". The group acknowledged her but then proceeded to also keep her out of the loop. Her, myself and my bf all chatted for almost an hour and I learned that she was young, new to the group (this was her second meeting) and looking to make friends. We exchanged our Fetlife info and I can at least be grateful that if nothing else, I made one acquaintance from from the snobby diner bunch. I guess I'm just not New York enough to fit into that group.

On Saturday night I participated in something I'd never heard of, much less done. A phone party line. I can't even recall how I heard about this or got involved, but I do enjoy a good session of phone sex so I thought I'd see what this was all about. I talked with local subs and slaves and a few other Dommes via phone for a couple hours about various BDSM topics. I had a blast and was provided with thought-provoking discussions. Afterward you decide if you want to exchange phone numbers with anyone you talked to and I was lucky enough to be requested by everyone I chatted with! After picture sharing, some of us even made plans to meet the next time I was in the city.

I am not sure if I have mentioned how I feel about what I've dubbed as the "sub-hunt" but I usually take a while to find a sub. I am not sure if it's because I am too picky or because the men are too flaky but once I find a sub I try to give it my all. When our time has come to an end, I go back on the "sub-hunt" sometimes it can take me 6 months or longer to find what I deem an adequate submissive. So far I've been looking for a year, more seriously for the past few months and it is getting daunting. I feel as if I am scrapping the bottom of the barrel with my search. So I mentally told myself that if I hadn't found anyone that I was interested in and vice-versa by November 1st that I am taking an official break for a few months. Just as a breather and to keep my sanity! So, I started looking in NY (because this is also where I found the bf) and I wrote a few people. Some guys were interesting but I got a vibe letting me know they weren't serious. I talked on the phone to a couple but there was no spark. One guy even said after picking up the phone: "Miss L, I have to be honest, I am just looking for sex...and you have a beautiful mouth that I want to do dirty things to me." While I appreciate his candor, I politely declined haha.

I decided to switch up my approach. Fuck how much a guy says he can do for me, fuck his experience, fuck how well he can worship my pussy, and look for someone I might actually get along with. It was with this attitude I wrote someone on Collarme who listed his vanilla interests before his BDSM interests in his profile (brownie point #1), was interested in music and the arts (brownie point #2), was easy on the eyes (brownie point #3) and was located just 8 miles from where I was currently (brownie point #4). I wrote him an honest one-liner and kept looking but to my surprise he was also online that moment and wrote back within minutes. We chatted for a bit in messenger and then he asked if he could call me later that night. Guys rarely ask if they can call me. They always want to fuck around and chat online for ages or text sexual fantasies or email me NSFW pics. I usually have to initiate the phone call idea. All the more reason I was happy to oblige. Once he called and we talked, it was strange...we just fell into the conversation. It was like we had talked before or maybe he was just that easy to talk to. He kept complimenting my voice and my personality (never a bad move) but I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop lol. The conversation was going so well and I enjoyed his personality so much that I slipped in casually:

"So, you wanna meet tomorrow for lunch?" There was a slight pause on his end.

Fuck. I knew it, another illusionist. He just wanted to see how close he could get to his fantasy without actually having to act on it.

"Sure! I'd love to Queen L" he chimed in.

Now I was the one with a pause. I tried not to get too excited because, making plans and following thru on plans are two different things.

I told him to pick a restuarant that wasn't Thai and text me the location tomorrow around noon.

The night dragged on with my insomnia and I tried not to think about tomorrow and if he would really text me or if we would really meet. I was relieved when sleep took me over at 7am.

A little after 12, still no text. I wasn't disappointed. I had prepped myself to expect this. I did some last minute packing, showered and such but when I came back to my phone I had one message with the name of a Columbian resturant and the address, with a time to meet. He had taken to calling me Queen L so I instructed him to write "Queen's Subject" on his inner hand before we met. For me this was just another test to see if the Collarme sub was serious. We met and had lunch. He was everything I thought he'd be from talking. Halfway thru lunch he flashed me his palm, inside in big black sharpie letters were: Queen's Subject. This was very unlike one sub I met who didn't work out who wrote another message on his hand so tiny I needed magnifying glasses to read it. This sub was proud to have my name scrawled across his body.

He offered me back to his place for tea and I didn't have anything but time to kill before the drive back so I accepted. Upon arriving, he showed me around but when I sat on the couch, I told him to sit lower than myself. He sat on the floor, then laid on the floor and that is where he stayed. He begged to kiss my feet and hands, which I let him do. He was so adorable as he lay wrapped around my leg almost drifting to sleep as I petted his head. I really wanted to have him strip and allow me the pleasure of some light spanking, but I didn't want to push too far for a first meeting. We talked and moved from room to room but he still expressed wanting to sit at my feet.

At some point he asked me if I liked the power exchange that comes with being a Domme. "What does it feel like to see me sitting here at your feet?", he asked from my toes.

"I can't describe it in words," I said as I thought about it for a moment.

"You know when you have a craving for a certain food...and maybe you wait all week until Friday to finally get it but then you do? It's like the first taste of the food, when it melts in your mouth and you savor the flavor" I said whole heartedly.

He seemed to like this analogy. But that was accurate for me and if the Collarme sub is my first taste of a long craving, then I think I'll have seconds!
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A hard day's night

I've had an interesting past couple of weeks. I've been really trying to get out and meet some new people, subs, switches, CDs, even some Doms.

I decided to send a cutesy CD I've admired online a message, just asking if she'd like to have drinks sometime. To my surprise she agreed to almost immediately. We decided on a local bar but she got lost on the way and I used my super GPS skills to guide her to where I was. We just happened to be near a secluded pasture that has a water park attached. Of course since it was late at night it was closed but that didn't stop us from hopping the fence and enjoying a little after-hours fun in the park. We rode all the slides and even got in the wading area of the pool. It was not what I had expected of the night but was fun all the same.

A little later in the week I met up with a young yet ambitious switch who happens to be a nurse. Nurse sub met up at the bookstore where I was having a discussion with some friends. He was very friendly and pretty normal (which is always a relief). We had almost gotten thru the night with us just chatting as friends when I jokingly chided him for wearing the same color as me. He played along and apologized promising next time to ask for permission to match. My stomach did a little flip flop with excitement. A few days later we went out for dinner together and he was just as friendly. I think he's a nice person but worry how about how much time he has to devote to a demanding Miss such as myself, as he is a bit of a workaholic.

I had a mid-week dinner planned with a sub who sounded spot-on. But, he was promising me the moon and the stars and we'd only been talking for a few weeks online and had yet to meet face to face. I'm a firm believer that it's easy to be anyone you want online, the true test is how you're able to transcend that into reality when you meet someone. But something didn't sit quite right with me about him, so I was anxious to meet him and see for myself what he was like and what do you know...he stood me up! Yes, even a I get stood up. I tried to give him a second chance (even though I was livid) but he basically ignored me. I can only chuckle when I think that it his lost, not mine. This was definitely a case of it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Sweet sub heard about me being stood up and offered to hang out with me the following night. I think he was trying cheer me up, which he did. I finally invited him over (for the first time) and he modeled some underwear he had for me. Yes ladies and gents, it's only taken nearly 2 years but I finally got to see him in his undies. He really does have a nice ass for showing off panties. When we met up for drinks last night he expressed to me that he'd be interested in forced oral on another male. While I'm usually not really that into two guys (there's no room for me there!), the thought of his adorable mouth wrapped around a hard cock definitely got me thinking. The more I learn about sweet sub the more I like. It doesn't hurt that he has such a innocent look to him but I know all the naughty things he wants to do!

Now I'm off to New York for a week to see what kind of trouble I can get into in the Big Apple. 
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Ask Miss a stupid question, you know you want to...

I wanted to thank everyone who participated in "Ask A Stupid Question Day", and apologize for the lateness. I didn't think you all would really get into it but you did. Some were sexy...some were downright dirty! But, as promised here's a few selected of the questions asked:

Do you sing in the shower?
Sometimes I do sing in the shower, usually to pop songs or show tunes lol.

Have you ever swallowed cum?
Yep, I'm avid believer in swallowing not spitting, unless it's funky spunk...then just walk away, actually run.

What's your worst fashion accessory?
Hmm, I usually don't care what's stylish and make my own statement but even I have to admit that my shirt proclaiming: "For rent by the hour" is a little more forward than I like sometimes haha.

Do you have a favorite sex position?
Definitely! Doggie-style is my favorite. This is even hotter in the mirror over my bed.

Do you believe in aliens?
It'd be silly to think we were the only intelligent life-forms in the solar system.

How many of your submissives have you had feelings for?
Once you get into the swing of things with sessions or collaring someone it is hard to remain completely in role at all times. For me I only choose long-term subs if I have an emotional or extremely sexually-charged connection with them. If that applies, I can't help but start to care about them, even if it is only as a good friend.

What is your ideal Thanksgiving dinner?
This is one of my favorite holidays. Dinner wise: Stuffing, cranberry sauce (from the can!), mac & cheese, green bean casserole, mash potatoes, turkey and ham, pumpkin pie, pineapple slices, spinach, and cheddar biscuits. Mmm, I'm making myself hungry.

If you could do anything to one sub you've mentioned in your blog, who would it be and what would you do?
This is kinda a trick question haha. I haven't introduced all the subs I've met into my blog yet. But I have always enjoyed domesticating a sub for my use. I would love a full day where I worked and my sub just did whatever he was told to do. That could be from massaging my feet, to mopping, to grocery shopping, and then letting me use him as a footstool, all while wearing whatever I have decided will make him appealing to me. I find it completely sexy when a submissive does what he's asked and with a very genuine "Yes Ma'am" in response.

Do you believe the moon landing was a hoax?
I've often wondered because of its convenient timing and some of the facts not adding up. Our government hiding things or falsifying events for the general public is nothing new.

As a Mistress, do you ever get tired of being in charge?
Absolutely not. I love making decisions in life or others lives, even it's just to tell the other person that they must make a decision. My creativeness is what keeps me from getting board with BDSM.

What's one guilty pleasure of yours (non-sexual)?
It's gotta be reality television. I can really get sucked into their carnival-esque lives sometimes!

Do you ever hurt your hand when you're spanking someone?
Yes. Haha, sometimes I wonder who's really getting the inflicting punishment.

I like your blog when it's sexy, why did you do this dumb question thing?
Just to annoy you haha but seriously, there'll be more sexy things this week so sit tight.
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A little eye candy

A friend I've made recently via Fetlife sent me lovely pictures after his play session this weekend. He knows that I have a weakness for Speedos and seeing boys' asses in them. It's like a work of art waiting to being punished =) He said I could share and I didn't want to deprive my dear readers of all my beautiful benefits!


So spankable isn't it?
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What women want

...I actually don't know what all women want, I only know what this woman wants.

I have finally come to terms with what exactly I really want. Many of the things in my life have fallen into place except men. With me, men and relationships have always been an exhilarating roller coaster. I've been thru many hands-in-the-air ups and stomach-turning downs. But it wasn't until I found BDSM that I finally realized it wasn't selfish to want the things I wanted. It didn't make me a bitch to want to be catered to. And it most certainly didn't make me a freak if I wanted to do those with a paddle in hand.

What I seek seems simple enough but weeding thru the unworthies does get daunting. Even though I am dominant that does not mean I need to constantly be in control. I do not want a spineless, worm of a man. I want someone who will hold their head high and walk beside me with confidence. I want someone who will make me laugh while we're out but beg and plead in the bedroom. Someone who will cherish the collar he wears nearly as much as he himself is cherished by me. Even someone who gives a little resistance just to receive a little pain would be a fresh of breath air.

Wake up from your fantasies little subbie boys and smell the leather. Some of us ladies actually know what we want...and if you can stop fumbling over your balls for a minute and get it together you could be sitting pretty under our heels.
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Questions, questions, questions

For those of you who are unaware, September 30th is "Ask A Stupid Question Day". I always enjoy answering questions from readers, so I figured why skip this occasion. With that said, all readers are free to email me any questions (no matter how silly) until September 25th and I will post my response to them on the 30th.

If you wish to remain anonymous please state so in your inquiry and feel free to write your question anonymously as well if you'd like. I look forward to seeing what's on all of your minds! So speak up and await answers from the all-knowing Mistress L.
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Blowjob: It's not always better than nojob

I had an interesting conversation last week via email where a friend of mine mentioned that he was happy to receive a blowjob after a long drought of
sex. He only had one complainant...it was a bad blowjob.

Every woman who takes the liberty of going down on a man thinks that her technique needs no work. That you, the man, should be grateful that she even went down on you. Unfortunately I have news for you ladies, you could probably use some much needed pointers. Some of these I've mentioned briefly before but this will more in depth.

So let's dive in:
Blowjobs are a lot a work but can still be fun.

Going down on your man is still illegal in 15 states, so treasure your naughty actions.

Not all women were created equal, sorry.

Now for the fun stuff. Basically a blowjob consist of two main techniques (both of which can be built upon), the suck-swallow and the deep throat. The suck-swallow is the easier of the two and the standard go-to but just because it's easier you shouldn't be giving him a yawn fest.

Remember these simple things when going down on a man:

Since your mouth will be full during this activity remember to breathe thru your nose. It'll help you from gagging and needing to take frequent stops

Use Your Hands
Don't just hang your hands at your side during a bj, use those extra tools to help stimulate him in all the right places. But remember don't grab his balls too hard (unless he's into that). I try to stick to a "rolling" motion as if I were rolling out small balls of dough.

Pay Him Lip Service
It is a blowjob but don't forget to use those lips of yours for sucking, nibbling, and of course any tongue action you can provide. This will help keep him going while you give your jaw a break.

Get Comfy
Make sure you're in a position that gives you complete access to everything you want to touch without losing your balance. Being on your knees can be a drag after awhile so perhaps put a pillow under you.

Be Creative
Blowjobs are wonderful on their own...but if you want to give him something he'll be sure to remember you can try different things to enhance his experience. Ice cubs, humming with him your mouth, an Altoid. Try different things and see what he likes.

For the ladies that want to attempt deep throating beware: Not all women are created equal. Meaning, not all women have the ability to deep throat. The main technique of taking a cock deep is to suppress your gag reflex. If you're unable to do this you will suck, but not literally...literally you will gag. And honestly, that's not attractive. If you really insist on learning you can practice on a banana (don't be upset if you don't get it right away nor if you're just unable to do it) or you can cheat with this trick: while going as deep as you can on him, use your hand on the shaft to simulate an extended mouth. He probably won't even notice as he'll be in pure bliss.

And men, don't think you got off so easy. If you want a blowjob don't make it difficult for us ladies. Sometimes you are your own demises. Be courteous and follow these tips:


Don't Hold Her Head
We are going as deep as we want to. Any head pushing makes you look like an ass, unless of course she places your hand on the back of her head, then gently push her deeper. If she resist, let up.

Groom, Groom, Groom
Tame the jungle that is your pubic hair. I hate swallowing a "furball" as I'm enjoying giving a good bj. It can turn her off or worse cause us to instinctively chew to get it out. Ouch!

Be Squeaky Clean
I shouldn't need to point this out, but after seeing guy after guy forget this important rule...WASH YOUR COCK! If it smells funny, is sticky, or extra dry looking...I'm probably going to head in the other direction (no pun intended). Oh, and don't forget under those balls!

Announce Your Arrival
Never cum in a woman's mouth without asking her. Period. I know you all get caught up in the moment but when you feel yourself getting close just say so. This isn't a porn. Also, it'll give her the option of pulling away or taking it like a champ.

Now everyone, go out and have fun sucking someone off.

And for the ultra considerate studs, here's a recipe of my own that even you're sure to love, to give you that extra sweet taste:

Miss L's Super Spunk Smoothie
1 cup pineapple, fresh or canned
1 banana, frozen
1 cup apple juice
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS honey
Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white, 2 TBS wheat germ, 2 TBS flax seed, 1 shot wheat-grass juice

Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. 
Drink immediately. 
Repeat daily for best results. 

Takes about one week to go into effect.
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It'll only hurt worse if you...

Miss L finally stopped being anti-social last night and headed out to the city for a night with some fellow BDSM fans and kinksters alike. It was my first meeting with the group so I brought along my most trusted entourage members: the fiance and my best male friend. It's funny to see my man in these situations as even though he isn't into BDSM his natural curiosity peaks and he can't help but be his friendly self, ensuring that the conversations he gets himself into are always interesting to say the least.

This group was a lot different than the last group I went to with sweet sub as the members were relatively around my age. I didn't see one woman who could have been my grandmother and don't think I saw any over-the-top older men. Yay for a target crowd!

I settled in quickly as there were people there whom I have been talking with via FetLife or otherwise for years to more recently who I had yet to meet face-to-face. Nice surprises all around. They were a friendly bunch of folks, not at all stand-offish and generally open to any questions.

One boy (he is in all rights a man but he was such a hug-able size that in my mind he's a boy) really stood out for me. He's a Dom but is ever so adorable and just screaming: "Collar me! Spank me!" At least that was my internal monologue whenever he got near me for hugs. If he were to ever want to bend over for me all he'd have to do is name the time and place. Oh and did I mention he has amazing hair for tugging? Long and blonde...Mmm.

Attending the meeting was suppose to help quiet the cravings I had. At least murmur it for a time but I think it actually ramped it up! I found myself in mid-scratching, getting massaged randomly, squeezing butts, and all but licking some people who stopped by my table to chat. I'm so naughty sometimes.

Contrary to popular belief you aren't suppose to picture others naked to calm your nerves for an adverse affect of the giggles. But trust me, there was no giggling when picturing everyone naked, just sheer heated desire.

Mental note: It was a good idea to leave the riding crop at home!
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My sexual pickles & ice cream

I'm climbing the walls with an over 6 month dry spanking spell on my theoretical heels. This may seem unusual or very usual if I'm picky as I am as of late. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too narrow-visioned.

When I actually sit and think about what I want in my next dominant-submissive relationship I either draw a blank or too many things come to mind that don't seem feasible.

So, my horniness this weekend led me to message a sub I use to play with on a weekly basis: quiet sub. He and I haven't done anything in a year but we have kept in touch. Before I could even ask him about meeting up soon he beat me to it. It's always nice to have an eager sub wanting to see you, especially him with his ever submissive gaze!

We had pretty good understanding and general routine whenever he visited. We'd hang out for a bit (eat dinner, watch a movie, etc) then have a shot or two of alcohol (he has a bit of anxiety I believe so this helped him relax) and then start in on our playing for a few hours or so. When we were done sometimes we'd talk about the session sometimes we'd talk about random stuff, then he'd be on his way.

We'll see if I can wait long enough to see him or if I'll hit up a club in the meantime for some action or maybe just a munch will take my mind off it.

But, I cannot put into words how badly I want to feel someone's skin in my hand as I spank them, or how much I would love to spit in a sub's mouth. I just get cravings for certain acts and there is no real way to squelch them unless I obey them.

Makes me wonder if I am a submissive to my own needs sometimes...
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Under Mistress L's Spell

Mistress L gives me the look that says, "Sit down and shut up." I'm already doing that but I still feel scolded when she sashays by in nothing but a pair of lacy black panties and a matching bra, holding a phone to her ear. Although her round hips and short legs look stunning as usual, she means business. 

I have an itch on my knee but I dare not scratch it while she's in view. I've been on my knees for 15 minutes now and she's yet to say one word to me. 

When I arrived, I knocked on the door and once I saw her peek out of the curtain, I waited the mandatory 5 minutes before I entered. Then I stripped down to the spandex Speedos I always wore at her house and placed the semi-spiky collar around my neck, held the leash in my hands, and began kneeling. 

She had been upstairs working out when I had gotten there but had bounced down the stairs and patted me on the head as she passed me on the floor a few minutes later. This usually meant I had done everything correctly. And thank god for that as the collar I was wearing could get painful if I had fouled up; the spikes were on the inside and with one tug of the attached leash it tightened around my neck and sent searing sensations through one's body; a device she had created and fashioned herself.

Next she had gone on finish her workout stretching right in front of me. Each time she bent to do a toe touch her crotch was only inches from my face. I swear she held the poses for longer than the woman on the television was doing. She loved teasing me. After said teasing she peeled her sweaty clothes off and hopped in the shower. 

I knew exactly what to do once the water started. I gathered up her moist clothing, oh how I wanted to bury my face in it, but last time she caught me doing that she had me do yard work in the hot California sun until I was pouring with sweat. Then she made me ring out my shirt into a shot glass and drink what was produced. No, I wouldn't be sniffing her workout clothes. I put the dirty clothes in the laundry, grabbed her robe, a towel, and her moisturizer and put it in the bathroom for her and then resumed my position in the living room floor. 

When she exited the bathroom in the matching black bra and panties she was on a phone call, chit-chatting away. When she handed me the moisturizer and flopped down on the couch, her leg bent as if I were put on a glass slipper, I began another sometimes-step of this ritual, I rubbed the lotion all over her legs to what I thought was her satisfactory. 

But, I lingered a bit too long in the upper thigh area, how could I not want to caress her soft, brown thighs? And this is when she shot me the look and took the moisturizer from me. She ran upstairs and came back saying, "Yes, Mom, I know" into her telephone. 

I found it highly erotic that she was doing such mundane things but with such sexy undertones. I could barely hide my excitement as she reached over to my quickly erecting cock and snapped the CB device on in one movement. It didn't want to close, as it often was the case when I was hard, but Mistress lifted my balls back and made me fit. 

"SNAP!" was the sound of the case trying to contain my member. She threw me a smile and motioned for me to turn over on my hands and knees. I did so without hesitation. 

She retreated to the kitchen and returned quickly but with what I did not see. She pulled down the skin-tight spandex, Speedos. "Slap! Slap!" She began spanking my now exposed ass. She tugged at my hair tightly in between as if to keep me in perfect stance. 

"Oh, I'm just kneading some tough dough....yes, I bake mother!" She said on the telephone. I heard her stifle a giggle as continued to spank me, with what I now realized was a wooden spoon. "This is how I was taught to make it. You beat it until it molds to what you want it. If that doesn't work, you throw it out and start on a fresh batch." 

Her Mother thought she was talking about dough but I knew she was talking about men, submissive men to be exact. And that's how Mistress L was. She was always one step ahead of my submissive thoughts. 

And that experience sticks out in my mind after 5 years because it is still the only time I've had a Mistress completely control me without ever talking to me. She is one of those women who can give you a look worth a thousand words, a stance that means business, or a finger wag that gives you chills.

And even though that was long ago, when I was first deciding on whether I was submissive or dominant, it was very real. Misress L helped me explore things I had never thought of, some things I have never experienced again. 

But, I have to admit, even in my current dominant role, with one slave-girl of my own, and many spanking sessions under my belt, she is still the only women who can give me one look and make my knees turn to putty, to the point where the buried urge to kneel before her is so great, I'm always surprised when I'm still standing.  

Thank you Mistress L for allowing me share just one of many wonderful adventures that we journeyed. - Your former bitch, Joshua
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Wearing the fishnet pants...

People often ask me as a Mistress what puts me in the mood and what my personal style for playing/doing a scene is.

As for what gets me in the mood...that's easy, a very submissive male. A good sub who says all the right things can have me thinking of him for days. Just hearing something along the lines of; You own me, I am yours, Anything you wish, it all pleases me. I am also a very visual person (perhaps this is where my Photography passion is fueled from) but if I lay down and imagine the things I am going to do to a sub, this is a sure-fire way to keep me in a highly sexual and Mistressy mood.

Anything that involves collars, leashes, restrictive wear (think CB, blindfold, cuffs, etc), whips, and kneeling is definitely up my alley. As much as BDSM is mental, I love the physical reflection of that inner feeling.

For anyone who has had the pleasure of serving me, they may know that I can be a strict Miss. I love what I've dubbed as the three Rs: Routine, Ritual, and Rules. Not only does getting to dictate the things one needs to do upon entering my house make me feel powerful, I also like to know my subs are paying attention and respecting me by remembering the things I have told them.

I try not to go extreme with the protocols (because I could!), but I write lists, require assignments at time, like to decide when my subs may enjoy physical release, and even like forms of playful submissiveness in public. But most of all, I think I enjoy thinking up punishments! Along with my rituals and routines comes punishment if you foul up...and with so many little things to remember, it's almost a catch-22 that my sub will. Did I mention I can be a bit devious at times?

There are the few subs who after a few punishments make it their number one priority to impress me and complete tasks without any errors...and they are rewarded accordingly.

I like to think that I am as playful as I am strict and all in all, but subs that can follow my lead and play along are the best!
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From fag hag to mound muncher?

Bisexuality is not a bad word.

To clarify, no one has told me that it was...it's just that up until recently I have done all but point my finger at and laugh in the face of individuals who claim to be "bisexual". This is not because I don't respect their sexual orientation, it's merely because what they call bisexual, I call greedy.

To me personally, bisexuality has always been a fence sitter, cake eating, cop-out for having to decide if you like the box or the key better. It also heavily challenges my mentality that you always feel one way or another; I greatly loathe indifference.

I have designated myself a tri-sexual (in the words of Samantha), I'll try anything once. My orientation has always been straight, with a drunken tendency to let my cute female friends make-out with me on occasion. Then a few weeks ago I had a woman checking me out at the bookstore. I was in the sex and relationship isle (who would've guessed), and she kept peeking over me at over her book.

I couldn't help but notice so I said to her jokingly, "Yes, they're real."

She blushed and said she wasn't staring at my breasts she thought I looked cute and wondered what team I was playing for.

I told her without hesitation, "Honey I am strictly dickly, sorry." At which point she apologized and went back to her book.

And that was that. Which was comforting because with guys, it's usually more a debate. You reject them in their fragile state of trying to hit on you and you've bruised their little egos. And now it's all damn you to hell while they try to reconstruct it. Her easy acceptance was much more appreciated.

Then just last week I had a very vivid dream where I was participating in a three-way with two other women. This was odd to me as I have never engaged in what I would relay as sexual relations with a woman, or two for that matter. I've had a female slave before but she was very service-oriented and I mainly stuck above the waist with her and made my other male slave do all the hard work. Why had I dreamed that?

But, even the dream interpretation book wasn't all that conclusive, it just stated that I was comfortable with my sexuality, blah, blah. Which has me seriously asking myself...what does all this girl-on-girl action really mean?
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