Beat around the bush

I met a gardener and he's the first person I've found who can cure my black thumb.

The Gardener came into my life last year by way of a crossdresser's munch. Puppy and I attended and weren't expecting much. But, I did talk with The Gardener most of the evening. He invited the two of us to a kinky, sexy hotel party and I'm never one to turn down a good time. It wasn't a good time. Not through any fault of his own, it just wasn't what we expected. However, this didn't deter me from pursuing a friendship with him.

Fast forward to a few months ago when we had our first one-on-one dinner that he cooked for me, fully dressed from head to heels at my request. One thing lead to another and before you knew it, my phone was showing the time as 3am. I've found if I can chat with you for more than 60 minutes and it doesn't feel forced, that's a good sign, so we kept talking. And kept talking. Each day we'd continue one of the previous late night's conversation and delve into a world of new topics afterward. The more he talked the more I listened. The more interested he was in what I had to say, the more interesting I felt. Every crazy story I had, he had a rival one of his own.

Intellectual foreplay at its finest.

In this time admittedly, things have moved fast for us. More fast than I think anyone expected. A big part of this is due to the fact that we live within a few miles radius of each other and keep a similar (non)sleeping schedule. Late night chatting became lunches, lunches turned to titillating flirting and that grew into much more. The Gardner is good at his craft. He is an actual self-taught gardener, polyamorous crossdresser, who is a great home chef,  who can be a complete goofball when he remembers to relax (which takes some coaxing). He's a musician (i.e. good with his hands), a father, a self-proclaimed sensualist and I'm finding out so much more. Each layer I peel back reveals just a peek at the one underneath it. It's a beehive of vulnerability and genuineness that has been a relief to be a sharer of.

I walked into his home for dinner a few months ago not expecting anything at all. Neither of us did. But as all gardeners know they shouldn't let the grass grow under their feet and we decided despite our best efforts to just give in and turn over a new leaf together.

It wasn't the most convenient of times after Puppy left but something that started out small bloomed into something much bigger and I can't wait to see what the harvest is like. Would I have chosen to start dating The Gardner this way? Probably not. Is it a bit of a challenge navigating a new relationship while just starting an international long distance engagement? Absolutely. Have I been honest with my other partners along the way about my new experience. Of course. If I could change it would I? I think philosopher Francis Bacon put it best...

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures."

Podcast - 5 "Polyamory & Navigating The Scene As A Non-Poly"

Needing to know more about polyamory and how it works within the scene? Take a listen to 'Polyamory and Navigating The Scene As A Non-Poly Person'. I'll also answer one Kinky Question of The Day (KQOTD) from a reader.

Here are the podcast highlights (Note: Entire episode is Poly based)...

** 12:40- 13:05 - Interlude

** 17:13 - Kinky Question of The Day "As a vanilla person, can I ask my kinky girlfriend to curb her kinky activities?"

** 23:40 - Next podcasat topics---Finding your role in BDSM and how to embrace your role without roleplaying

Also, this podcast will not run weekly as I had originally planned and will instead run monthly. If there are any topics you'd like me to discuss please feel free to let me know!

Links
PolyMatchMaker
BeyondTwo
Lovemany
Openminded
Poly-Date

Feel free to listen below...

LISTEN HERE

Marvelous multiples

I always seem to find the perfect guy...when I'm already in a relationship.

Being the good person that I am I don't cheat. No. I've never cheated. I've been cheated on but have never cheated. Instead I resort to the agonizing internal self-infliction---the "What if" game.

What if I were single?
What if I got drunk and happened to kiss him?
What if we just had phone sex?
What if....

Yes, we've all played that game at one point or another.

But it really is painful and unhealthy.

That's why in 2004 I decided to never play the "What if" game ever again. I decided to become polyamourous and I haven't regretted it....mostly.

It was a lot harder than just the decision to do so. I've touched on my relationship status before but over the years my conceptual ideals have shifted and moved and replaced other ideas I previously held.

I was taking this well beyond the whole "we can see other people" thing; the general casual types of relationships before getting serious. I genuinely wanted to make meaningful romantic connections with more than one person at a time and have the consent of everyone involved.

I thought I was making it easy...what guy isn't going to like the idea of being a "part-time" boyfriend? I thought wrong.

The first attempt at poly was an epic fail. Communication was all but non-existent and we ended up hurting each other in the process of finding our way in new and unfamiliar territory.

My next attempt involved too much communication, which I never believed was possible. Not until I listened to the most descriptive and raunchy tales of my boyfriend's sexual interludes with his other girlfriend. It was definitely T.M.I. and a more than subtle breaking point for me.

My third attempt (which I thought was a charm at the time) turned into an unwanted game of mind fuckery and cheating...yes cheating within a poly relationship can happen. It seemed ridiculous to me. Why sneak around when you need only ask/be open and honest?

I nearly threw in the towel until I met a sub who wanted to date and serve me. He seemed okay with the poly aspect at first but it quickly became apparent that it wasn't for him, or us. Trust issues and jealousy consumed us and what was left of our tattered relationship.

Sometimes I have thought that it would be easier to not have come out as poly, to just have settled but I know I would be a different and more unhappy person for it.

My bf (bless him) has really endured and expanded his mind a lot on my behalf. I'm his first and only poly relationship. My seeing of submissives or even casual dating hasn't caused any problems we can't talk out. And we try to remain open on all fronts.

Now I've met someone new. Someone who has tumbled in and out of my life for a few years but never stuck due to timing. He's quickly starting to become important to me and I know this will also be his first poly endeavor. I don't want to scare him but I do want to be honest with him. I am trying to outline the struggles we might encounter, the questions he might have, issues we might have overlooked...but I know it's never enough. I know life has its own plans and curve balls to throw at us.

With him, much to my surprise, it feels different. I feel different. It's the first time I have asked myself, What if I wanted to be with both him and my boyfriend on a more serious level?

Which lead me read more on the subject of "polyandry". This is essentially the opposite of polygamy---it is when a woman takes on more than one husband. I've come to conclude that I would be very open to participating in this type of arrangement. To me, this almost seems like female domination at its core, even without the BDSM play. I would be Queen of my castle, wanting for hardly much between the two them, save for a little kinky play with a submissive play-mate every so often.

And so it seems we are giving it a trial run this summer as the new bf will be staying with us on and off, sharing our living arrangements for a few months.

So far all I can say is pleasing two men is definitely going to keep me on my sexual toes...a challenge I readily accept!