We'll get along when you stop being dumb

As I logged into my Fetlife account today I saw that I had several messages waiting to be read.

Sometimes I dread the messages on that site, sometimes I look forward to them. After skimming thru I realized I had several "Oh-pick-me-please-Mistress-I'll-be-the-best-sub messages". These usually amuse me for several reasons.

I've decided to help you poor saps out. Here's some tips guys if you're writing a potential Mistress on Fetlife:

1. Make sure she is seeking a sub...writing a Mistress who is just looking for friendship in hopes of changing her mind just seems desperate, plus she's a woman who most likely knows what she wants.

2. Have a decent profile set-up. Nothing pisses me off more than a "man" who writes me promising endless submission but can't manage to put up one picture of himself (face or not) and a small paragraph telling about himself.

3. Don't just message her "hi mistress slave here in va seeking to meet [insert telephone number] slave _____". It's just not gonna happen honey. (Yes, that was an actual message to me)

4. Don't send a cut & paste form letter. She'll know and it's just not classy. If you can't take time to write her a small custom message, how do you plan to serve reliably?

5. Penis pictures on your profile are fine but just know it will seem like your head is in the wrong place. (See: your ass)

6. Don't lie. Claiming to have been "into BDSM my whole life" or "for more than 10 years" when you're only 25 definitely seems sketchy. Or saying you have tons of real-time experience when you don't will just tell on you later.

7. Are you 30-45 years her senior...yeah probably not a good match...but I know you guys just can't help trying haha.

8. If she's a Mistress/Domme and you're a Master/Dom...you're probably not what she's looking for. Comanding her to "be a good girl and write you back" will must assuredly make her want to stomp your balls and not in a good way.

9. Fetlife is a community. If you're only in groups to pick up women or check personal ads, this will probably reflect poorly on you.

10. Be ready for something real. If you have no intentions of ever formulating a real connection with her, then don't bother. BDSM is just as psychological as it is physical.
Above all...a little decency will go a long way. Good luck!