Is it forever yet?

I never knew that five minutes could feel like an eternity but as he kissed all along my body, stamping those little, perfectly placed kisses that I had come to enjoy and bathe in, that is what it felt like...a five minute eternity. He started with his lips at my lips and worked his way down slowly and carefully, to my neck, trailing down to my shoulders, then my bare back, next my hips, and then all the way down until he reached my toes; all the while I lay there with my eyes closed soaking up the zen-like feeling that washes over me whenever he completes this selfless act.  

I said to him, "I think it's been 5 minutes." To which he replied with a small laugh, "You think I was really going to just kiss your body for 5 minutes?" and he continued to cover me with his lips. They felt like tiny butterfly kisses giving me chills. I wanted to be pinched. To know this wasn't a dream. But I knew it wasn't. 

I had asked him to pinch me days ago when we made up. Yes, we made up. I appreciate everyone who wrote me with kind words and bad jokes during the time I needed friends. I hope to return the favor if any of you need it. We didn't make up as much as he forgave me. I am still forgiving myself, it will take time but I am sure it will happen. He forgave me and I was smiling inside. I don't know fully what made him decide I was worth another chance but I am honored. I have promised to be more open and to try harder at making things successful this time.

No lies. No secrets. No boundaries. We are both no longer going to hold back how we feel. Love is not something that should be hidden anyway.

I promised with words what I would do. He signed his contract in blood. As shocking as it initially was it did convey his seriousness about me. 

Blood oaths and the blood brothers concept (which actually started among large groups) was very common in ancient Mediterranean Europe where, for example, whole companies of Greek soldiers would become as one family. A Mistress and her slave are one family as well.

Ctrl+Alt+Del

It seems I've done enough busy blogging and avoiding talking about the issue at hand with my slave. Thanks to everyone who has written inquiries. I'll give you the cliff notes.

The verdict is in: My slave "really really cares"

Or so that's his excuse for invading my privacy. The issue with slave 2 mushroomed into another whole realm of things. Without completely rehashing the events, my slave went thru some things of mine and thru an account on a website I'm a member of because he "really really cares". This was his explanation as to why he was compelled by an invisible force to commit such acts.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a fairly private person. You wanna talk gripes, ask me, you wanna know celeb gossip, I'm the go-to girl, relationship issues, count me in...but when it comes to myself personally; outside of sex....that's where I sorta clam up. I don't mind sharing info about me in bits and pieces over time but I've never been one for long drawn out heartfelt talks. If someone tries to read an email I'm typing I get snippy, too many questions about where I've been and I've been doing and I get defensive. And everyone knows the number one rule of being my friend is:
Don't touch my shit.

But slave was unaware of this. He stated what many past boyfriends have stated. I'm secretive and vague. In all honesty, I am. I like it that way sometimes. It keeps from things interfering with one another.

So he went thru some stuff, accused me of lying, involved some outside friends of mine, and then on top of it all apologized after he sought justification for his actions. First and foremost I don't lie. I've never seen a need to. Unless I'm trying to get out of trouble, oh and little white lies about my friend's new car (it's hideous!), but lying to the magnitude I was accused of...never. It hurt.

But my slave "really really cares"

I keep stating it like that because I don't think caring gives you a right to do the things he did. But, it's been a few days and things in the eye of our storm are settling down. I have been all but forced not to even mention slave 2's name when in my current slave's presence. I have agreed to not even be friends with him anymore. But my slave thinks I don't care. I care.


I care so much that I'm trying to move past this bullshit.
I care so much that I forgive him.
I care so much I have put his happiness before mine.

I don't think a slave could ask for a better Mistress. Past slaves I would've kicked to the curb but I wanted to prove a point. We can grow. Everyone has the ability to at least learn from mistakes and be given a second chance. Whether or not I actually did what I was accused of, this my second chance with my slave. And whether or not I am still royally pissed that he riffed thru my things, this is his second chance.

It almost feels like things can go back to the way they were...
But almost only counts in horseshoe and hand grenades so we'll see.