What do those Greeks know anyway

Serendipity: the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated

I'm starting to loathe the very mention of such preposterous notions. I swear if I hear one more piece of bountiful good news I just might scream. I suppose that my general lack of overall pleasantries within my own relationship has made me a tad bitter.

Exhibit 1: I found out last night that a guy I use to crush on (and fool around with) is going to propose. To whom? Oh, just a woman he's known 30 days from Russia. You know he had the balls to describe her as "patient", which is a virtue he says he's looking for in a lifelong partner. Funny how he forgot I waited a year for him in terms of dating...

Exhibit 2: Then another gentleman that I fooled around with (see a pattern here) and had a lot of feelings for sprung on me that he has "serendipitously" found a girl who lived across the hall from him at a bar in another town. Yip-fucking-pe.

Exhibit 3: That coupled with the other guy I knew marrying the eHarmony Ho...it's too much. I don't know if it's a) the fact that I have a hard time believing in true love due to my overly realistic nature, b) the realization that every time a relationship of mine was to be heading that way after years of work, kar-plunk!, c) my innate idea that I'll probably never get married, or d) if I'm just in a cranky mood but I'm just fed up with this Hallmark shit.

I often worry that I'm going to end up the scary old lady on the block with 9 cats, who all the kids avoid while trick-or-treating because they think I put needles in apples.

These things don't help me steer clear of that haha.

I know this sounds all like jealousy, that you're probably all reading going, "Mistress L, you're just jealous." But, honestly I'm not. I'm just confused by how quickly this all seems to happen to everyone and their Mother except me. And that statistically speaking it should be my turn by now, even if I reject it?

But, this might be why I have gravitated towards BDSM relationships. Especially with the contracts and rituals, I feel more comfortable because I know what I'm getting. There's not too many unforeseen surprises (generally speaking) and everyone knows what to expect and whose role is whose.

Outside of BDSM all my vanilla relationships have been epic failures. And magically I'm always the one getting the fuzzy end of the Popsicle stick.

This all makes me ask myself: Have I been using BDSM to avoid a broken heart? Or just relationships in general? Is BDSM my "shield" against the vanilla world? Do I give too much physical before getting any emotional in return?

I'd like to think it's not and that I use BDSM to hone the desires that I already have and to mold them into something positive, a direct result that both parties can benefit from.

I suppose only time will really tell...