Repression = Aggression?

It was 5:30 am and I had just had sex with a stranger for the third time in a week. I say "stranger" in the sense that the sex my bf and I now have feels, well...strange. We have only known each other for the past 7 months in a certain capacity and now that has completely changed.

Taking the BDSM out of our relationship has really got me thinking about a lot of stuff. Maybe too much stuff as I sit here frustrated at myself for not faking an orgasm tonight. Without our play, I have found that I am struggling to orgasm. Oh, sure...a good ol' fuck with the dildo will ramp me right up but as I climb the orgasmic mountain with my bf I feel myself start to hold back. I could let go and just orgasm but that'd be forcing it. I could fake it but he has asked me not to and I try not to reinforce those negative stereotypes.

No biting. No scratching. No spitting. No slapping. No spanking. No hair pulling.

This is all I can think and honestly it's making me quite angry. I'm very accustomed to getting what I want and I want those things. I am just unable to have them right now. I have been lashing out at people around me and I can't help but think perhaps it's because I am repressing a lot of the things that come naturally to me. I feel as if I am toning myself down just...and for what??? Maybe all this stifling is making me extra pissed off?

So if I haven't commented on your blog in a while it's not because I don't still like you *smile* it's because I'm jealous and frustrated. I am throwing mental temper tantrums when I hear about all the fun stuff you bloggers are doing.

But, I'll find a way to deal with this...