The secret life of a sub

She gives me a stern look while we sit on the couch.

I wait for corrective action in the form of a face slap, a forceful pinch, or a swift but deliberate pull of my hair but it doesn't come. I look around and see my friends are still talking, oblivious to my darkened thoughts.

Since Mistress arrived in the UK just over a month ago life has been a quite different. I live in a house with 3 other guys who I went to university with, all of whom have no idea about my kinky side. Before I met Mistress this has been extremely easy secret to keep hidden. When I learned Mistress was going to be staying with me for an extended period of time I was honestly a little nervous. 

'Would they find out?' 
'Would I be able to act vanilla around them 
'Would I be able to act vanilla around her?'
'Would she be able to do the same?' 

My Mistress isn't like most dommes and spends a lot of time asking me to share my thoughts. She loves saying, 'Your thoughts belong to me' and often it does feel like that. So we had a conversation about these questions and I felt a bit better but I wouldn't actually know until she arrived. I didn't want her to feel unwanted but I did want to share my concerns. 

Fortunately my Mistress is pretty awesome, and when in vanilla mode, is able to come across as the perfect girlfriend. Having Mistress live with me has been exciting, fulfilling but also at times nerve wracking or frustrating. I often wake up in rope, or with her hands around my throat, in my new Holy Trainer chastity device and one night even to light CBT, all without being able to verbally express myself through screams, whimpers, or moans!

I know that when Mistress is here, or when I'm at her side I am a better all round person. She helps me, she pushes me to be the best at everything I do. She makes me happy, she makes me laugh, she cuddles me when I need to be held, and spanks me when I need to be punished. She makes sure I dress well, makes sure I eat right and makes sure I remember my place, and always strives to make me a better submissive and a better person.

I do believe that the relationship dynamic we have is quite clear, and I'd be surprised if my friends hadn't noticed something. I do not believe they know she is my Mistress and I am her puppy, but they may think something is a little different about us. The way I jump to her every command, even small things like ‘Make me a cup of tea’. At first I thought this may bother me, but it really hasn't. They also may have noticed the sounds of spankings or beatings in the evenings. We often don't play till late at night, but living in a house with paper thin walls can have its problems I guess.

It has also been slightly frustrating. Sometimes when I get home from a long day at work I want to just kneel at her feet and bark for her as loudly as I can. Sometimes I want to beg her to beat me, or to walk around on all 4’s on her leash. This obviously isn't possible, except for in the rare moments we get the house to ourselves. We make up for this for making the most of having the house to ourselves, and going away on the weekends to various kink events, where we are able to play, and we are able to express ourselves.

Why it is being kinky such a taboo?

I really don't think my friends would understand if I tried to explain to them I am her puppy and she is my Mistress, and that we have this relationship, and still love each other very much. I think they would think I was weird, or strange, and not the person they thought they knew. Of course I could never actually know them without ‘coming out’ as kinky but this just isn't something I think I, or they, would be ready for.

Ultimately though having Mistress here living with me for the past month has made me so happy, so overjoyed that each morning I am able to wake up next to her, look her in eye and say ‘I love you Mistress’. I now only hope that I am able to do for a long time going forward.

She is my Mistress, I am her puppy. As long as she is happy, I am happy.

Edited by Natali Noir