What if Craigslist and Adult Friend Finder had a baby?

I'm hardly knee deep in my quest to find a new, fitting submissive man and I decided it would be a good idea; if not just completely entertaining, to post an ad on Craigslist in the miscellaneous relationship section.

Hilarity always ensues. My ad was pretty simple, the gist of it was that I was dominant, curvy female looking for a truly submissive man. One whom's limits would be few and eagerness be plentiful. I even quipped, "Your happiness will depend solely on your ability to keep me happy and follow my instructions".

I only put up the following conditions:
1. Be around my age, 21-35.
2. Don't be married or secretly getting your fix of BDSM thru me
3. No smokers!

Pretty light terms I think but apparently I wasn't clear enough...

Response #1-Unedited
please pick me. this has been my fanasty 4 forever. im new 2 this and want 2 be trained. im such a fuckin freak. i want someone 2 help me find out who i really am, sexually' im open 4 anything. blk, hansome, str, athletic build and very hung. i promise 2 be a very good student. i wanna start right now.

Umm..wow. I don't even know where to begin with this. I found it really un-nerving that he describes himself as "a fuckin freak" because it definitely seems to be in a negative way. I thought perhaps he was a troll who just wanted me to write him back so that he could send hate mail, so alas I didn't give him the satisifaction.

Response #2-Edited for 'discretion'
I live in ______... south side right off rte ___. MWM, 25 y.o. 5'10'' 195 lbs 6.5 inches, discretion is so important I cannot send a pic right off the bat. I will be raped and hit, gagged, chocked, anything w/o marks. And all at you slightest beck and call. I am entirely d/d free with no risk! I will be with no one EVER, other than you.

Ahh, discretion is what he seeks...guess I wouldn't want my wife to know I was shopping around on CL looking for someone who was going to rape, choke, hit, and gag me either. Would I trust this guy with his promise of not being with anyone other than me? Well, only as far as I could throw him, though he might like that haha.

Response #3-Unedited
white guy here looking for to serve a lady as her slave. I am 43 years old as I kwo your ad said you was looking for younger. But I am VERY interested.

Oh fuck, he's VERY interested...well that means I have to write him back, especially since it appears that he can read oh-so-accurately as it is. I know he'll be able to follow MY instructions...NOT!

Response #4
It's two pictures of a guy smoking with the words, "Let me know if you'd like to chat" above them. Seriously dude, seriously?

Either the greater Washington DC area has men who have shit for brains (I know I know, too easy) or these guys are really just looking to get laid. I've even had nightmares that it's the two combined: brainless men just looking to get laid!?!?! It's like Swamp Thing all over again.

So, Craigslist might not be the best place to find my potential submissive but it did provide me with a good laugh while I was in a waiting room this weekend.

Oh Craigslist...list of all things that make me giggle, you never fail to put a smile on my face.